Episode 20 - The Adulthood Scam: Why No One Feels Like a “Real” Adult

Still waiting for the moment you finally feel like a “real” adult? Same.

In this episode of Andi & Mich, your two favorite caffeinated sisters take on the ultimate con: adulthood. We’re talking about why so many of us are out here paying bills, making “responsible” choices, and still secretly feeling like three kids stacked in a trench coat pretending to run a life.

We get into:

• What actually counts as being an adult:
   Is it milestones like a job, marriage, kids, and a 401(k)…
   or is it mindset, emotional growth, and taking care of more than just yourself?
• The hidden emotional toll of always being responsible—especially for eldest daughters, caregivers, and women who “grew up” way too early.
• How seriousness gets confused with being “professional” (and how that sucks the joy, creativity, and humanity out of us).
• Why inner child work, humor, and play are not childish at all—but actually key to staying mentally well and resilient in adulthood.
• Career pivots, changing your mind, and rejecting the lie that you have to pick one path at 18 and stick with it forever.
• The pressure to “grow up” fast, kids being pushed out of childhood, and what happens when joy gets decluttered out of our lives.

We also play a quick-fire game of “You Know You’re an Adult When…” featuring:
Costco clothes, orthopedic shoes, going to bed at 7:30 on purpose, screaming along to early-2000s jams in the car, and getting way too excited about clean laundry and a good pillow.

If you’ve ever felt:

“I’m old enough to be in charge…but I still don’t feel like the adult in the room,”
 this one’s for you.

🔑 Big message: Being an adult doesn’t mean abandoning your joy. It means protecting it, making room for it, and letting all your past versions sit at the table with you—inner child included.

✨ Listen if you’re into:
Real talk about adulthood, funny “I’m too old for this” moments, inner child healing, mental health, boundaries, and giving fewer f*cks (with more intention and kindness).

If you enjoyed this episode, follow/subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your favorite emotionally exhausted but hilarious “confused adult.”

If you liked this episode please like and follow our podcast, leave us a comment, and share it with a friend. Visit us on Youtube for extra content and full episodes https://www.youtube.com/@AndiandMich

Your support helps us to keep the conversations going. <3

-Andi and Mich

The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to Andy and Mitch. Okay, let's just put this out there. Who actually feels like a real adult because I'm still waiting for that moment to hit. Same like I'm out here paying bills and making responsible choices, but deep down, I'm still the kid who'd rather be eating cookies for breakfast. Right? Today we're tackling the ultimate scam adulthood. Who decided being grown up meant getting excited about vacuum sales and stressing over health insurance, and how do we even know when you've officially crossed that line from young and carefree to whatever this is? We'll be breaking down what it actually means to quote unquote be an adult, sharing some hilarious, you know, you're an adult when moments, and talking about why taking yourself too seriously can backfire. Plus we'll chat about why staying in touch with your inner child might just be the real secret to surviving this whole adulthood thing. So grab your favorite snack bonus points if it's cereal, and let's dive in. All right. Your two favorite caffeinated sisters are back. Ola. Today's topic, is all about adulthood So who decided what being an adult means. How do you know you're an adult? When I was a kid, I actually thought that being an adult meant you got your own mail. That's a good reference actually. Yeah, so I'd be like, I would see all the adults get mail. I used to think I cannot wait until I get my own mail and then I realized, oh no, it's all bills. Or it's those mailers that you don't even want. For real. Okay. Serious question though. At what point did you actually feel like an adult or do you even feel like you would label yourself as an adult right now? I feel like I'm an adult on professional hiatus. Okay, tell me more. What does that mean? Because I am responsible for more people than myself and so I think that that is adulthood. So then I was an adult when I was like eight years old. Yeah. Like real talk. Yeah, me too. Like older child, taking care of siblings. Taking you you to school bringing you home from school, helping you with your homework like I was responsible for other human beings. I do recognize that I'm an adult but I don't feel internally like what? People would stereotypically define someone as an adult. Sometimes I have moments where I like look around and I'm like, who's gonna make these decisions because I'm not the adult in the room. Somebody else needs to decide what's gonna happen here today. Because it can't be me. It's like three kids stacked in a trench coat vibes. Yeah but then when I look around the room, I am the like oldest person in the room sometimes or the only like sane, capable one. Let's be real and then I'm like, oh shit. Everybody's looking at me with the same question. Well, you're the adult, you're gonna make the decision. You're the one that's gonna figure it out." It's like, no, I reject this, throw my stuff and I run away. Totally see what you're saying. Culturally, the markers are when you turn 18 and you get a job, you move out if you can, or you go to college, one or the other. Some people get married really young, that's a marker of adulthood, which I think is wild. Even getting your first car as like a marker of adulthood, and then of course, making financial choices, being able to do your laundry independently for a lot of people, which is crazy'cause I've been doing laundry since, since we were eight, we were kids. I've been washing dishes since I was probably three or four years old. Uhhuh. And you know what the test was? If you put a chair up to the sink and I could reach over to reach the stuff to wash a dish I was old enough to do it. Yeah. It's like our parents used to be like, we have a dishwasher at home and then cut it's just Andy. In my little red pigtails. Being pissed off about washing, I still hate doing dishes to this day. I wanna say that the actual markers for adulthood are when you're taking care of people other than yourself. When you are concerned with your own emotional wellbeing and mental health. When you're thinking of long-term things, not short term rewards and when you decide that you wanna get a pet. Because that's a real commitment. If you get a pet, that's your first real deep true commitment. That's how you know if you want a baby. Or a partner. Yeah, which could, you know, some partners are babies. Wait, that sounded weird, My body even rejected it. There's different stages to adulthood, I feel like growing up it was like teenager, turn 18 adult boom, good luck out in the world. Have fun, figure it out. And I, I don't think that's actually how it goes. I think you, you go through transitions like when you're just crossing over into some of these new found responsibilities. That is like stage one of adulthood, that's like early young adulthood and then you've got like midlife adulthood when you're like, oh, I've been doing it all wrong this entire time and I just might as well take everything I've done and throw it in the trash. And you're like, I don't know anything about anything. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing, this is bullshit. And by that point you probably have a lot of responsibilities and then there's actual wise adulthood. So in my version of how this goes, I see people who are wise, who have lived a life, who have life experience, and I agree with you but I think it's just all because they've lived some real life already. Yeah. And have wisdom and understand themselves better than they ever have before. That to me is like, you achieve gold status adulthood and at my age, I'm still a baby because those people are like in their eighties. Those are platinum people. You're actually right between, you're like getting into the gold standard. I'm pretty wise, but I have lived a life though. That's part of it. Yeah. That is not normal, I don't think for you either. Like we haven't lived lives that are average, like we've lived 90 years of life experiences. By the time we were 30. Collapsed down into like, 30. I was like 21, boom, that's it, i'm done, i've done everything. This is true because I remember when I turned 22 and everybody's like, yeah, this is your peak. You're gonna party it up, you're gonna spend all your twenties. By the time I got to 22, I was done. Mm-hmm. I was like, I'm done. I already did all the that stuff. I already spent the nights out. I already. Yeah. Made some very questionable choices in life and I was tired, I didn't wanna do it anymore. I like moved past through that phase quick. And then went into the next phase, which would've been more of an older person phase of life. And what we know that science has proven is that our brains continue to evolve until we're at least 25 years old. Now they're saying it might even be longer than that but at least 25 years old before you have a fully developed adult brain. As humans, we're just continuing to evolve and mature over time. Do you think adulthood is more about milestones or do you think it's more about mindset? Because I feel like it's more about mindset to me, but I do think like collectively in, in society, it's more about milestones. I agree with that. I think culturally and in terms of like societal expectations, milestones are going to be how people communicate where they are in their adulthood journey, more so than their mindset and I actually think that most adults neglect the, development of their mindset. Even what we're seeing play out on a global scale right now, it's a lot of adults who neglected their mindset. Mm-hmm. Emotional development, mental health, developing empathy and coping skills, things of that nature, right? Yeah, I don't know that you ever feel fully flushed out as a whole adult person. I do think that that is another version of the scam. Based on my own life experiences, I do think that we do not stop evolving and changing and growing and adjusting. I think it is constant, whether we're in right relationship with that as it's happening will make the difference as to how you feel about your mindset and yourself and your wellbeing. Because if you push against it, then that's gonna create more conflict and you're not really ever gonna feel like you're even close to knowing yourself. Yeah. And I do think we take ourselves too seriously because we fall into this trap of believing that adulthood is also about being serious and not having fun and being jokey, and being silly and being sarcastic. Which I could never get rid of'cause there are some settings that I'll in and I'm like, I definitely don't belong here because people in that room, very much subscribe to this idea that in order to be considered professional adults, they have to behave in a certain way and they all behave the same. In a professional setting? In general. Okay. And you go to the store, I mean, you see these older ladies. I see people my age, first of all, that look real old, not that I'm tuning my own horn, that I look much younger than I am but I do. And you know why? Because I'm not clenching my butt with my judgment. Exactly because there is a part of me, and I do recognize this now as a really important, great thing. I used to feel like it was a part of myself that was holding me back in some way but now it's like I've always embraced this kind of goofy, fun, cautiously optimistic person. But now with age, I can see that as a wise way to be in the world. When I was younger I thought that that was a bad thing and it meant that I was not fully embracing being an adult. Personally have been silly my whole life and I get looked down upon a lot because of it. The silliness is real and also the people that look down upon you because you're silly is real too. Let's talk about that, okay, you were mentioning earlier how mindset is so important, really taking care of your mental health and making sure that you're developing that awareness, right? That area and how important that is to be a really healthy, functioning adult. And part of that has to include humor and fun and joy and not taking everything too seriously. Because when we take ourselves too seriously, we end up in spaces of burnout and are losing touch with our own joy, sometimes our own reality and we become miserable. How many people have you met that are just like miserable in adulthood? A lot. And that I know some people that way who I remember them being different when they were younger and then all of a sudden it's like, what happened to you? Like you just got the joy of life sucked right outta you. I mean, being overly serious does lead to a lot of issues, a lot of stress, burnout, rigid mindset, which is what you're referring to. Adults often mistake this idea of seriousness for professionalism and competence but research actually shows that playfulness boosts creativity and problem solving. It's also very emotionally beneficial for us to kind of lean into some of the funness of being youthful. Right? It's kind of interesting, even when parents are raising kids, they're like supposed to kind of suck the joy outta certain things so that the kid can kind of fall in line. I remember, a friend of my kiddo's mom and they were like maybe in sixth grade at this point. Getting ready to go to junior high school and, the kid was really upset and had shared this with my kiddo that the mom had gone through and made them take a bunch of toys and stuffies and things out of their room and get rid of them because it was too childish and they needed to start learning how to grow up. And then I remember talking with the mom, and Yeah, the mom did. She owned it. And she said, oh yeah, because it's, you know, I have to get rid of all this childish stuff because, you know, they're growing up now and they, you know, she needs to have things that are more appropriate for her age. And my response to her in that moment without even blinking, was, I want my child to enjoy their childhood for as long as they possibly can because I didn't get that privilege. And I think it's so important for them to stay in touch with that part of themselves and know the things that make them happy, that are fun for them, that bring them joy, that they can be silly with. I mean, that backfired on me because my kid kind of became a hoarder with collectibles but needless to say, I like was very surprised and proud of myself in that moment because I was so offended that she was doing this to her child. And not my kid, not my place, like it's, that's their life, their choices but I could see how much it hurt the child and I can see how sad she was. Like when she would come over to our house, she had access to all these things that my kid didn't have to get rid of and could have fun and play and be her child self still. Yeah. And you know, that kind of mentality can breed things like high anxiety, perfectionism, it's been shown to kill spontaneity, reduce resilience and disconnects people from others because it puts you in a box. And it teaches that in order to be taken seriously, in order to be growing up, in order to become a grownup you have to give up these parts of yourself. And the only things that people are being forced to give up are the happy, joyful, fun things. Silly frivolous things. Silly things. It's interesting too because like when we think about it,"oh, this is you growing up. You need to grow up." It also kind of eliminates the ability to approach your own mistakes. We're all gonna make mistakes, in retrospect, I look back and I think I'm so glad that I was silly and I had a sense of humor when dealing with my mistakes because I don't know that I would've been able to allow myself to evolve. If I consciously made decisions to look at it through a lens of rigidness. You know what I'm saying? That, that to me is like an equation for guilt and shame. And humor saved me from fool on, imploding from grief. If I didn't have that in my life and I didn't have people around me who also could share some of that and be in that space too, I think it really would've been to my own detriment, you know? And I learned at a young age. That, that was such an important life tool. In the toolbox of life, humor and joy and things you can have fun with, people you can laugh with are so critical to surviving adulthood. Yeah. Like without it dead. This kind of leads into the emotional toll of always feeling responsible. Imagine you know, we're gonna use your friend's kid as an example sixth grade they're like, you're getting ready to become a teenager, you gotta grow up, it's time to feel responsible. And I think, look, teaching a kid how to do chores and clean up after themselves, that's fine. Taking away their identity and telling them that they have to have a different identity now because they've hit a specific number. Mm-hmm. That's weird. Yeah. And it also pushes them too fast to grow up. We did see that play out with that particular person, wanting to then be in relationships with people too young and just trying to be too adult too soon and missing out on so many key experiences and things that you actually need in order to be able to transition to that at some point later on down the road. When you're comfortable, when you're ready as a young person or a young adult. Yeah. Have you had a like a moment? Recently or one that you can remember where you thought, oh, I'm not a stereotypical adult. Probably scream singing in my kitchen while I cook food or scream singing in the car. I like to blast music a lot. And then people pull up to me thinking I'm gonna be a teenager. And they're like, oh, what the fuck? This girl does her taxes. What the hell's happening right now? I was walking through the store and I was singing a ludicrous song because it was the music they play in stores, you know? Yeah. And I was like, oh damn, they got some jams in here. That's also how you know you're getting older when you're like, the supermarket is rocking it right now. And I caught, this lady peeping me from far away at another aisle and she kind of just stared at me blankly like. What the hell are you doing? And I was like, oh yeah. I'm not an actual real stereotypical adult. I'm being judged right now. I do feel like sometimes I even catch myself and I'll say, stupid off the wall shit. And I'll be like, gosh, Andy, you're definitely not an adult. I would be like, thank goodness. Sometimes it just cuts the tension too, I think I use it a lot. The silliness and the goofiness and like not taking myself too seriously when I'm in spaces where people I feel like are taking themselves too seriously because I Trying to see who you really are. So when you talk about how important it is to like, with this growth to learn about yourself and like really step into that fully and embrace who you are. Yeah. When we put on the adulthood scam mask, then you're not seeing that and you're not showing that to people. And so I'm always questioning who are you really? Not who you're pretending to be, not who you're acting like in this particular room or situation or environment but I wanna know who you really are and one of the ways I can see that with people is how they respond to humor and joy and being silly. Yes. It sparked something for me because, and we can get, dive into this a little bit, especially with your psychology background. So there's this wonderful, internationally acclaimed poet, comedian, public speaker, actor named Alok. I know that you've heard of them. They are a non-binary public figure, wonderful highly, highly encourage people to look up their work and you can find'em on Instagram. Anyway. They have this saying, which is, the closet isn't just for queer people, a lot of people actually hide in the closet and I'm gonna butcher this, but they basically talk about how they hide in the closet with fear and shame and guilt and fear of rejection from society. The mask of adulthood scam, like it's, it is true. There's a element of the fear of rejection and a lot of people want to be included and so they kind of assimilate, to a lot of these culturally pushed idealisms. Yeah and it's in our DNA to not be rejected. Right. It goes way back to like tribal days, caveman days, where we as humans lived in small communities. And so your survival depended on you being able to stay connected to that community. Especially if you didn't have another community that you could go to because the communities worked together, hunted together, fed each other, took care of the children. And so if you were rejected that meant potentially that you wouldn't survive out in the world. And we still carry that. Piece in our brain of how important it is for us to be connected to other humans, which drives that fear of rejection. And sometimes it creates the perfect circumstances to accept things that you normally wouldn't and or to try to assimilate to things that don't actually feel like it fits you. That's why some people find themselves in jobs for so long, they find themselves, maybe not even looking at their personal objectives in terms of what kind of partners they actually want. They find themselves in, getting full on degrees in areas they didn't really wanna study and sometimes they find themselves, like in my sense, where I'm like, I'm getting a degree in something that didn't ever think I would wanna study because I've always been interested in the arts. It's like later in life as you evolve, things change and the adulthood scam is so rigid that it makes you believe that you cannot change. Yeah. You have to select who you're gonna be and that is who you're gonna be forever. Mm-hmm. Which is bullshit. It's bullshit. I believe that all of the experiences we have in the different versions of ourselves are all part of us always. I do still believe that we evolve. That means our tastes are gonna change, to tell somebody at 18 years old, you need to know what you wanna do for the rest of your life and then do that, and then that makes you a real adult. Bullshit. Nowadays you can change your career 2, 3, 4 times in your lifetime'cause we are living longer, so there's more time to do that but also, you don't really know who you are sometimes and you don't really know what direction your life is gonna take you in. So being able to give yourself permission to have that space to pivot as a grownup is so important that it can make or break somebody, you know? And listen, let's take it to the sciences real quick. The human skeleton is constantly being remodeled inside your body without you even noticing. Over the course of your life, your skeleton is replaced approximately every 10 years. So guess what babe? You can change your mind. I mean, I did. I survived. I did too. But I think that also is a nod to what you said earlier, Andy, which is that we are consistently evolving. There is this proverbial endpoint that we have in our minds that we've constructed. And it's a box, right? Like there is a box that's been carved out and people are most comfortable when you're in it. And some, it doesn't even matter which part of the box you're in, but just be in the box. Like when I changed career course as a grownup, people were shocked and it actually shocked me at how much they were uncomfortable with it because I was outside the box. No, no, no. You're already in your thirties. You already picked this and just stick to it till from now until you die. You're like, I don't wanna. And I'm like, no, I'll not do that. I thought about it and I think you're wrong. And those who know me know I don't live in kind in any kind of box. The second you try to put a box around me, I fly away. Gone. I really was rejecting this idea that. No, that doesn't, this doesn't mean that I'm not an adult or that I'm not thinking like a mature adult. It actually means I am, because I'm trying to make a decision that actually makes most sense for me right now. Not what society says I should be doing, not what my friends say I should be doing, not what my family says I should be doing but what is it that I actually need and want to do and to do that. In our previous episode, psychics, which I hope you guys have checked out by this point. We talk about how Spirit has a council or there's always usually something associated with council when it comes to adulthood the way I like to see my own evolution is that I have a council of all the previous versions of myself and I have to respect and or understand why they did what they did, when they did what they did. And like you said, like tailor or kind of like cater to certain parts of yourself that maybe weren't appreciated, neglected, seen, whatever. And so I like to think of that, when I think about like leaning into feeding the inner child or like enjoying the wonders of the world or staying curious. I remember the first time that I felt,"oh, this feels too rigid" I was looking for a therapist and it was before I found my wonderful therapist. Prior to that I went to this therapist and I was talking about everything. And then they said, you have what we call, and she said some word and she went, it's when you make these things really grandiose and wondrous, it's a little bit of a delusion and then I looked at her and I went, you're not it. And it was like, because I was like, yeah, but no bitch. You dunno me to talk to me like that. And then when I found the therapist I stuck with for a while. We ended up talking and I told them what the other therapist said. And then Ms. Hall said,"You know, sometimes therapists impose their own belief systems upon their clients and they're not supposed to. And I don't necessarily agree with that you do not have X, Y, and Z. I think that person just didn't live in a certain kind of way and you know what? Fuck'm." And I was like, got her. She's the one. You're all, where do I sign? Yeah because I was like, I'll tell you all my secrets. But that's also contributes to this idea of what we're saying is that, you know, maybe the real adulthood scam is thinking that we have to outgrow these other parts of ourselves and leave them behind. And especially like our inner child where all of everything about us, that's good and bad stems from our childhood in some way, shape, or form. This idea that you have to outgrow it and let it go and make it disappear from your life forever is like false. You evolve and you find different ways of expressing that creativity. I will say that doing inner child work and the inner child healing work is so good for four transitioning into a place of being a more functional, healthy, integrated version of yourself as an adult because that is where we lose all of those pieces of ourselves that you're talking about. Like it gets left behind somewhere. Somewhere at some point we buy in and all of us do it to this idea that in order to be taken seriously, in order to be accepted in society as a functioning adult, in order to get the job, in order to have the partner, in order to fill in the blank. That we have to let this go and we have to put it behind us because we can't be childish, all the things that go with those parts of ourselves that would just have fun and just play with life. We feel we have to let them go and people spend a lot of money and a lot of time in their thirties, forties, fifties, trying to get that back. You ever have those friendships where like you get in a car and you're joking, laughing. I know me and you kind of have this bond where we get really delirious. We're hilarious. And we're just laughing and having a good time, like kids would. Yeah. You know, and there's friendships like that that are very, very rare. Okay. These are not normal friendships and connections, as somebody's in her thirties. And I only have like maybe three left I think. I like how you counted it right now. I did. Nope, that one's out. That one's out. That one's almost out three. I got three left and I just wanna say, they're just so rare if you have that, like just be so freaking stoked but that's the kind of childlike joy, enthusiasm, fun, wondrous, that we're kind of referring to. Yeah. If you're not interested in. Having fun, laughing about crazy shit that maybe we shouldn't be laughing about and not taking ourselves too seriously that I'm just not interested in investing that much of my time and energy Especially today, especially in this world. You will become emotionally bankrupt. Yeah your well will be empty. The mojave desert, unless a flash flood hits, you're screwed, my friend. So I think what we're trying to say is that being an adult doesn't mean abandoning your joy. it actually means learning how to protect it and engage with it more often. And experiencing life and caring for things beyond yourself because some people are very selfish in adulthood, and they think that that's the way they're supposed to be because that being an adult, and it's not that. And we're sorry that somebody lied to you about it because, you know. Even like down to the way people dress, right? You ever notice, adults shop here at, Kohl's. They always make jokes like adults shop at Costco. Sheng Wang, the comedian and his, one of his standup specials, I mean he talks about growing up and like really feeling now that he's actually becoming an adult in his forties. Yeah and shopping at Costco. And he's like, you don't mess with people who shop at Costco for their clothes. No. They're gangster. They do not care. They don't give all anymore. And it's true. And fun fact, I've been buying clothes at Costco for decades. I was, when I first saw that, I was like, yes and they are also fiscally responsible. We went to Costco recently. Yeah. And I was so stoked because we didn't miss the sample people. Listen, not only did we find cute pajamas and sweaters and good food for our homes but we also ate all kinds of delicious stuff, we drank our vitamins, we had hydration drinks. I mean, you name it, we also had dessert all in one swoop in Costco. That was the full 180 life experience right there. And now they have Korean skincare. Oh, we got Korean skincare and our skin starts to glow. It was all good. One of the things about adulthood is you just become very clear on a lot. What's a moment that you've had maybe recently that, you realize, oh, I'm actually not an adult. I mean, I'm in a band. That makes you feel like you're not an adult. I feel wonderful about it but a lot of people have feelings about it. I think because I've been around artists my whole life, every group I've been in, with the exception of two, were all artists to some degree, or artistic people who had to always navigate a lot of different mindsets about how we live our lives. It wasn't until I got into this position, started going for my degree and started checking off certain boxes for myself that I started feeling a little bit more trapped. I worked out a system for me, be professional at work and then the minute that I would leave work, I would engage in all the fun, artistic, artsy things. I had everything compartmentalized and that worked for so long until the wheels fell off because you, that's also not sustainable. You have to be able to cultivate a life that is inclusive. This might be an unpopular opinion for some people, I don't think anybody fully is ever 100% aligned because I think it's a constant push and pull. I think we work towards this on a regular basis we code switch, so we kind of show up differently in different spaces but for some people that gap is so huge, they're never gonna shorten it or bring it closer. And for others of us, where we're very conscious of it, we're constantly working on pulling that bridge to shorten it. So that we can feel as close as possible to having those be an aligned, unified one. So that the way I'm showing up here with you is also the way I'm showing up at work, it's also the way I'm showing up with my friends. It's also the way I show up when I go to Trader Joe's. Right, it's just me all the time. Yes. And I don't think enough people recognize what a privilege that is. With adulthood, I do think one of the things that I find most liberating and freeing when you start to notice and pay attention to the wisdom that you collect over time is you stop caring about other people's opinions and you start to realize, and really see very clearly with a lot of clarity. That all these things that people say to you that are solely their opinions about you or something that you resonate with, is that it's all about them and none of it is actually about you and then you let go and you're like, that's nice. You know how they say when people get older and that you have less fucks to give? Yeah. It's true, like my fucks are falling off the cliff left and right. I mean, there's very few to go around at this point. I've been in situations recently where it's like,"Oh, well this person was talking about you, or this person doesn't like you or whatnot." And I'm like, okay, I don't need them to like me. Oftentimes too, when you're in this really grounded space that you're talking about, where you're like so secure with yourself that you're like, no, I see that this is not about me. Mm-hmm. When you enter the space like that and engage with them, usually really calmly, they tend to see that they maybe weren't in the right, they were kind of projecting or whatever, and sometimes they come back around and fix themselves. And sometimes people don't, you know? Yeah. And that's fine too. I'm very much in the, in a place in my life, where do you boo. Like, I'm not trying to live your life, I'm just trying to live mine and I'm trying to be the best version of myself that I can be today. And that's probably gonna look different tomorrow. My goal is to be kind, nice is performative, that's fake. Yeah. I want to be a kind, caring, compassionate person, not just for others but also for myself and in order to be that for myself, I gotta put some boundaries up. To add on to that, like being kind, you cannot be kind to others unless you're first kind to yourself'cause you have to set the precedent to yourself of what that even feels like, looks like, sounds like. Let's jump into a game, a quick fire round. You know, you're an adult when. Alright. Alrighty. So, You know, you're an adult when getting eight hours of sleep is more exciting than a night out. For sure. Your body hurts too. Everybody's like, when you get to 30, it's all downhill. And I got to 30 and I was like, I'm still uphill. I feel fine. Mid 30. I was like, oh shit. It's like rubber bands, you know? And when you first get a rubber band, it's nice and stretchy. It just bounces back, no problem. There's no cracks in it, you know? It's good. The more you use the rubber band, the less it bounced back. Yeah. I was like, your mattress suddenly matters, the quality of your mattress matters. The right pillow, I've stayed at like hotels, the way that this took me out for days because the pillows were crappy. Waking up with wild is wh pain is the fricking worst dude. Or like when you put your sock on and then you pull your hip or your shoulder. Oh my God. Wait, no, when you're walking and then suddenly, you do nothing. You're just stepping and then your ankle cricks. Yeah. And you're like, oh. And you do that weird like fumble. Anybody else see that? You know, You're an adult when your Saturday night plans are canceled and you get to stay in to do laundry and eat good food. Yeah. It's not even Saturday, it's any day of the week. Anyday, yeah. I encourage people to cancel plans with me. I kind of set the seed. They're like"hey we are meeting at six." I am like, or? Every time you're like, oh, I can't do that today'cause I have plans. And I'm like, do you, do you have plans? It's probably 80% that you're gonna cancel them. I don't think you can ever have too many days where you pour into your own cup because then you have stuff to give to others. Okay guys, that's my reasoning. I saw some article, might have been in the New York Times that said basically, and I'm summarizing this very poorly, that essentially, millennials are using their vacation time just to have a day off at home and sit in their PJs and watch movies and order in food because they're so exhausted. Mm-hmm. And the article's basically saying how sad this is, that you have to use your vacation time just to like recharge, you know? And I thought, oh, how fun. I do that all the time. Sometimes that's what you need but that's also a bigger societal thing than we're not gonna, unpack today. Yeah, don't be putting societal issues on millennials. We've been trying to survive this shit since we were born and y'all keep blaming the millennials. You need to be blaming the Republicans Okay. Continue. You go to bed early because you want to. Yes. Yeah, that's what you were just talking about that I was literally just talking about this and how you feel so, like rejuvenated it, you don't feel like a vampire anymore. You know you're an adult when you start asking, is this too early to go to sleep? I dunno if it falls asleep at seven, is it sad? It was 7:30 the other day and I was like, God, what time is it? It must be like nine. And my family was like, it's 7:30. And I was like, God damn and I all I thought was, I just wanna go put my pajamas on and lay in my bed. Yeah. Like I wanna wind down Now I don't usually do that till like 9:30, 10 o'clock, but I was like 7:30. That sounds good. That sounds like a nice time. Yeah, my dog agrees. You get irrationally annoyed by loud neighbors. All the time. Okay. You know what's crazy is I used to be the loud neighbor. I've always been quiet. People think we're senior citizens that live here because we're so quiet but we're just naturally homebodies and quiet people. But I do get annoyed by loud neighbors when I used to live with roommates and stuff, we would all stay up super late. We had bonfires, sometimes we'd drink, sometimes we'd have like just sodas but we would be like birds. We'd just be talking and laughing loud and yeah, poor neighbors, I felt for them. But you know what? It was a great time. You confirm what your friends, that everyone is wearing sweats and yoga pants to dinner. Listen, I don't give a shit when my friends are wearing a dinner. I'm wearing what I wanna wear. Well, I have friends who will text before a meetup and say."This is what I'm wearing, don't judge me." And it's like, no, it's all good. We can go tore up for the floor up. We're not trying to impress anybody as long as you're comfortable and happy, I don't care. That's very sweet that you guys like keep each other in the know. You buy shoes for comfort and debate how ugly the shoes can actually be. I've done this. Just this morning I was looking at orthopedic shoes. Yeah. It makes a big difference in your day and how successful you are getting your things done. I did have a moment where like, is it too early for this? Should I not be spending money on this at my age? And then I thought, no'cause my feet deserve comfort. I have some orthopedic, loafers. Yeah. But you've liked the grandma shoe look for a long time. I have, yeah, you've been youthful and fun. I'm just like, one of my idols was like, Kurt Cobain, you know You get excited to go to HomeGoods and get inspired for your next organization project. I do like HomeGoods. I just like cheap decorative things. I do get excited for organizational things, when you can organize something, it is good for your mental health. Yeah, it does help. Like it's part of your your environmental self-care. Making sure that they're clean, organized, easily accessible, because it just really supports you. You know, when my brain is overwhelmed when you walk into my space and it looks like it's something exploded in there. They do say if their room looks like a tornado, hit it. It's a reflection of their current state. You can say no without feeling guilty at all. No explanation needed. This is a real adult flex. I love saying no. It's one of my favorite things. Why? People are so afraid of it. I don't understand. You walk through the house making sure all the lights are off so you don't waste electricity. No, I don't do that. How are you gonna combat the ghosts if you don't leave the lights on? What if clothes are just Karen's from a past life? Yeah. I mean, so maybe the real secret to adulthood is realizing it's not about being perfect or serious, it's just about doing your best and staying a little bit ridiculous. I mean, seriousness is not a virtue, it's just a defense mechanism in a neck tie. Maybe the real trick is just admitting that none of us really know what we're doing and that's okay. So next time you're questioning your adult skills because you're excited about buying new socks, just know you're not alone. And let's keep a little bit of that inner kid alive too, because who says adults can't dance around the house or build a pillow fort now and then. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe. Leave a review and share it with your fellow confused adults. We'll see you next time for more laughs and real talk. Bye bye.