Episode 18 - Can You Really Be Just Friends? Navigating Platonic Friendships in Relationships

Platonic friendships and relationships—can they really coexist? In this episode of Andi & Mich, the sisters dive into one of the oldest debates in love and friendship: Can someone in a committed relationship have a deep, true, platonic best friend—especially of the opposite sex or a gender they’re attracted to?

From late-night FaceTimes to “work wives,” to the infamous “third wheel” dynamic, Andi and Mich break down the green flags, red flags, and blurred boundaries that make platonic love both powerful and complicated. They bring generational perspectives (hello, Gen X caution vs. Millennial fluidity), real-life stories, and even a pop culture nod to Apple TV’s Platonic.

💡 In this episode you’ll hear about:

• Why Millennials and Gen Z are more open to cross-gender friendships than Gen X or Boomers
• How to spot the line between healthy intimacy and emotional cheating
• Funny (and awkward) scenarios like: your partner baking bread for their “platonic bestie” 🍞
• What “work husband/work wife” really signals—and why it’s often a red flag
• Cultural, generational, and personal values that shape how we define friendship and loyalty in love
• How communication and clear boundaries can make or break the balance between romance and friendship

Whether you’re someone who swears by the “your partner should be your best friend” philosophy, or you believe in having soulmate-level platonic friendships, this conversation will get you thinking (and probably laughing) about your own experiences.

✨ Key takeaway: Platonic love is real—but protecting your romantic relationship means having honest check-ins, respecting boundaries, and making sure no one feels like a side character in your story.

So grab your cafecito, your matcha latte, or text your platonic soulmate and press play—because this episode is full of humor, hot takes, and heartfelt reflection.

🎧 Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with your bestie, your boo, or that “friend you’re not sure how to label.”

#PlatonicFriendships #RelationshipAdvice #DatingAndRelationships #PodcastClips #AndiAndMich #FriendshipGoals #ModernLove #PlatonicLove #RelationshipBoundaries #CoupledUp #DatingPodcast #HotTakes #FriendshipTalks

If you liked this episode please like and follow our podcast, leave us a comment, and share it with a friend. Visit us on Youtube for extra content and full episodes https://www.youtube.com/@AndiandMich

Your support helps us to keep the conversations going. <3

-Andi and Mich

The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs

Transcript

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Welcome back to Andy and Mitch, the podcast where two sisters, two generations, and two wildly different group chat vibes come together to talk life, love, and everything in between. Today we are asking, can someone in a committed relationship have a deep, true, platonic best friend. Where's the line between bestie and emotional intimacy overload? What happens when your partner starts feeling a little third wheelish? We're diving into stories, hot takes, generational perspective, and so much more. So grab your cafecito or your macha latte and let's get into it. Can people in a committed relationship actually have deep, true, platonic best friends, and specifically of the opposite sex or a gender that they're attracted to. I think this topic comes up a lot, especially when you talk with friends about relationships. Friends who are new relationships or a relationship that's starting to get serious and then. It never fails that there's some sort of friend or friendship that is a question mark. Like, are we okay with this or not? So according to the data, millennials and Gen Zs born roughly around the 1980s are far more likely to have and accept platonic friendships compared to older generations. Gen X and boomers, however, grew up with strong taboos marriage often marked the end of any existing platonic friendships especially of the opposite sex or gender they're attracted to. Basically what the research is showing is that younger adults, millennials and Gen Z generally have just more fluid views on friendship across gender and their social norms have shifted. So it's like more common for you to have such a variety of friendships with people who identify in many different ways that you carry with you, even through the ins and outs of your relationships. I was thinking about this topic because I was watching the show on Apple TV called Platonic. And basically it's premise is the two main characters are best friends, they were best friends like in college and then they had a falling out and so they hadn't talked to each other in years and then they reconnect. The show is about their friendship. They're also both in like a weird place in life, so they kind of get each other but the whole premise is that they've always just got each other cause they've always been such good friends. It's an interesting dynamic to watch it play out. I was watching it with my partner and the female main character, her husband was encouraging her to reach out to the friend because he had got recently divorced and so he knew that they had a falling out and he was like really, really pushing it, pushing it. And so my partner was like. I don't understand why would he encourage her to go hang out with this dude? Instead of just hanging out with him. And I'm like, well, they probably were really, really close. He was like, yeah, no and I agree like I never would've accepted it and I won't accept it today and that's that. Loose, low key friendship, sure. Yeah. What did you like about their friendship dynamic on the show? It's like you're almost talking to a bro and so the thing about platonic friendships, where it's the same gender that you're attracted to. Is that attraction is so fickle, sometimes you create good relationships with people but it has nothing to do with any kind of attraction. There is a level of intimacy to the friendship but it's never like a romantic level, it's almost like two guys hanging out. What about you? I do have male friends but they're not heterosexual. I don't have any, like anybody I would consider like a best friend. That was male ever in my life, and I think my experience and a lot of people that I grew up with had similar experiences is that any type of friendship with a guy, eventually at some point these guys catch feelings or they think, oh, like we're getting along so well, so there must be a spark. And I think partially it's because what you're saying is that typically and stereotypically when they're all together as dudes, it's not as common for them to be deep and emotionally intimate in that way. I've had that a few times and I think partially why I've had successful platonic friendships, where it's the same gender that you're attracted to, is cause I have limits for myself of how deep I'm willing to go with people. So like, although it is a little bit more deep than what they're used to with other people but for the most part, I also know and have experienced that. So in order to be a successful friend to people, I do not cross boundaries. Yeah. This is a friendship. Yeah. Like you, you're misreading the signals here. I appreciate that they're doing this show from the perspective that it is supposed to highlight like a deep platonic friendship and what this means and how even everybody around them in the show is like questioning it all the time. And they're okay with their friendship, but people around them are like, that's weird. You shouldn't be hanging out with them that much or you shouldn't be hanging out with her that much. You guys are too invested in each other's lives and the whole thing but I do think that it is a refreshing, interesting take on it. Then I started wondering, I wonder if it's different for younger generations than it is for us. And come to find out. Yeah, that it is. Do you think the friendship that's portrayed on the show. Would work in real life? It becomes really tricky when you have a friendship of that kind of depth and that kind of comfort. There will come a time if you lean in too hard that your partners will be like, what is this? What are you doing? Yeah cause there's multiple parts to any relationship. Right? And the main ones are the physical and then the emotional. So people emotionally cheat a lot. Like you see this at work, right? They have their work husband or their work wife. I really don't get that. But they're not like physically cheating but a lot of people I know would say, nuh, that's still cheating. Like you are developing an intimate relationship with somebody, whether there's physical things involved or not. I also think of Big Red flag is that if you have a platonic friendship with someone and the only thing you do is complain about your partner, you don't have a platonic friendship. No. The truth is you should be able to be celebrating your partner with your friends and so that is one of the biggest red flags for me. If I have platonic friendships and then all they're doing is saying all these negative things about people that they're dating. That's a red flag to me about them. So again, if you really wanna be a platonic friend to someone of the same gender that you're attracted to you have to have very clear boundaries for yourself as well. And check yourself too. It's gotta be a two-way street. If at any point in time those boundaries are blurred or those lines are crossed and you don't correct them. Then it's not a platonic friendship. I mean on the show, the male character is very supportive and super positive and very kind about his friend's husband. And he'd like,"I love that guy" like, he actually wants to hang out with him too and it's a whole thing, right? So there's also the dynamic of like if you all were friends before, and then two of the people in the friendship get married or become coupled up. One of'em is still really good friends with that person but you all were friends at some point. Does that change the dynamic? Yeah. But why? Because some younger people are gonna argue with you and say, no. You have to be very self aware to see that it changes. When you get feelings involved with anything, things change and whether it doesn't change for you, that doesn't mean that it doesn't change for the other people involved. And if you're a truly good friend, you're gonna understand it. Let's play a quick platonic or not game. I'll give you short scenarios and you guess whether they're platonic or not so platonic. Then explain why you think so. Maybe. Scenario one, Alex texts Taylor late at night to vent, ending with, I Wish you were here instead. No. That crosses the emotional intimacy boundary. That's a red flag. I would throw that phone straight out the window instead. I wish you were here sure. Instead? Yeah. No, no. Yeah. That's the key word here. Instead. Pay attention to the clues. Too much. Okay. Scenario two. Jordan and Casey have been best friends since college. They hang out often, including with Jordan's partner and everyone gets along. Is that a platonic relationship? Yeah. Platonic or, or not? Probably. Yeah. Explain why. Because they're all hanging out together. And there's no secrets. They're just all involved. You scored a plus. Scenario three. Sam deletes messages from their friend RI before their partner can see them. No, that's a red flag. Oh my God. Why would you, why would there be a need to delete them if nothing's going on? For sure. If you're hiding like any messages or communication or there's any kind of secrecy, that's not good. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's too much secrecy there's also some distrust there already because you think that your partner might look in your phone. So there's the potential for that too. All the way around. Not platonic. Scenario four. Jamie hugs their opposite sex friend regularly and tells them"Love you" after every hangout, but always in front of their spouse. And everyone knows it's playful. I think as long as the spouse is okay with it, then it's fine. I think if at any point the spouse is not comfortable with that and feels like it sends a message that they don't like, then it's a no-go. I agree. I think it's platonic but if it's not like their average dynamic, then it's weird. Yeah and I do feel like I trust in the intuition that we have to tell us if that feels wrong, like if it feels inauthentic. Okay. One more. Riley invites their opposite sex friend Jordan to help them move afterward. They grab dinner alone and talk about life, career and their future goals. Riley texts their partner to say they're running late, but doesn't mention who they're with. That's a little shaddy. Did they intentionally not include the name or did they like just forget, or what was the intention behind it? I think that's a good question because it is borderline not so platonic. This is where we talked about having really good boundaries for yourself if you're gonna have platonic relationships with people that you could potentially be attracted to and a partnership with somebody else, because you have to be really clear with yourself that you're doing right by your partner. Or if you're doing it and it feels uncomfortable, if you're like, oh, I need to keep this a secret'cause it's gonna make it uncomfortable, then that's a bigger question you need to ask yourself. Because if that flag is raising for you, then maybe it's not the best situation to be in. It could be a toxic relationship. Yeah. That feels like a secret when you're hiding somebody. Or what if, the BFF has your partner down as their emergency contact? Do they have no one else? I think that answered that question and they're just flying solo, then like Sure. But if they have like family and, and other close people, let's just say they have other friends and family. Their sister lives nearby but they're close to them or no. I'd just show up with them. Yeah. But that'd be weird. That sounds like a job for Sherlock Holmes, I put my Sherlock Holmes hat on. Or their best friend bakes them a loaf of chocolate chip bread as a gift. But ne never bakes anything for anybody else. No, I'd FaceTimed their best friend eating the bread. Thank you for sending it. I'm so grateful. I really had a sweet tooth. Thank you so much. You're like, this is good, but listen here bitch. Don't you ever send another fucking baked good my way again. Or I'd be like, I'm so glad that you baked him this, which means you baked it for me. And we both know that. Right? Right., Just kidding. You're too nice. Too nice. I would FaceTime them with my, you better not bake another fucking thing again and send it to my house but I would be in front of their house FaceTiming them. Oh my God. I would just video myself eating it in front of their house. I just want you to know, I know where you live. Hey, listen, if you're not gonna go big, then just go home. I'm like learning so much right now because in my head I was like, I've never had that level of friendship with people. Like, I mean, yeah, we'll go like to a cafe and then they'll talk to me or I'll go to bookstore and they'll talk to me or go eat. And the women have still been really mad at the guys for being friends with me at the level that are had. At a lower level. At a very low level compared to that. And this is why this is a real question, right? Can you actually have a true platonic best friend, like next level engagement in your life. While you are coupled up with somebody else. I'm really realizing a lot. Have I ever had a best friend? Hold on, let's rewind to I'm like, wait minute first part of the question. Why is this not registering with me? So like if you're in a heterosexual relationship and for you, you're a partner at a this next level best friend that was a another woman. Is she hot? I don't think it matters. It does matter. No, I don't think it does. Is she hot though? Please, I've seen people cheat with some ugly people. Ugly people need love too and it does happen because they develop emotional intimacy and that changes things. I mean, you've met people that maybe you didn't find all that attractive. Yeah I've dated them. And then when you, and then when you talk to them, you're like, oh, you're kind of attractive'cause I like your personality. I think you're thoughtful or whatever. What do you feel about it? Do you think so? No. You're like, I already said that. I mean, I think that's pretty clear, right? Yeah, because you're offended that I'm even considering. Yeah. I'm offended by everything you're saying to me. I think again, yes, there's levels to friendships. So I think as long as you are, you stay in that shallow level of friendship. So it has to be baby pool. Kitty pool shallow only. That's why I said I think you have to have very strict boundaries as a person because here's the thing, like you said, sexual attraction, emotional attraction, attraction happens. We are all aware that sometimes it doesn't fit the guidelines or the box or on paper or whatever. And so just having a mutual sense of respect for your partner, you should establish boundaries for yourself that you do not cross, so you never have to cross your partner. If you're my partner, don't cross me. But you get what I'm saying though. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you wanna make sure that you have those boundaries intact so that way you don't cause trouble. Some people get really excited about causing trouble in their relationships. Like they enjoy that shit and it's so like to me, sorry, like that's boring, you're boring. We're gonna take an emotional mental health break now so that Mitch can get it together. Okay. We're back together now. Or how people use that, which we were talking about people we know. In this, this exact scenario where the girlfriend, commented about somebody else showing interest in her to her partner to upset the partner. Like, there's a certain kind of attention you're trying to get. Out of something like that when you're trying to egg on drama. We have to be conscientious of the fact that some people have narratives in their head for you. Or they'll even do that, like in friendships where it's like, oh yeah, my friend, you know, they brought me flowers on my birthday. And you didn't. Right? That's why I said like for me, I have found solace in having, you know, male friends sometimes'cause there's not that comparison game that I have found often in my female friendships. Not for all of them some of you guys are great, but yeah. Do you think the dynamics shift in different types of relationships? Oh yeah. Polyamory, non-traditional partnerships, they're more open. Yeah. To this dynamic. Yes. I've seen many and I've known many people, that their partners are with the same gender, the gender that they're attracted to. For instance, Ted is dating Nick and Nick's best friend is Mike, but Mike is a straight man. But what if Mike is a queer guy? I've seen that too. Yeah. I feel like in heterosexual relationships, there's a lot of hiding and conformity. And so because of that, I mean, it plays out in so many different ways, right? That we conform to the stereotypical gender roles that are assigned, right? And so I think that that is why people who are in heterosexual relationships have a different relationship with the concept of sharing the intimacy of your partner with other people. Because that's really what it is, right? But knowing that you're, or believing or having that trust that your partner's telling you the truth. And is consistent and is inve as invested as you. I don't think there's a lot of research around like polyamorous relationships, but. I know that that has grown significantly with younger generations. Yeah. And I would be really curious to know how often there are conflicts because of emotional intimacy. Maybe not the physical intimacy'cause I can see from my perspective that like these type of open relationships are open to physical intimacy with other people. But is it, is the same true for the emotional intimacy for other people? Yeah. And I'd also counter that your dynamic with your partner is different because you guys are both very invested in each other. You're saying people are not invested in each other. Yes. And there's a lot of relationships like that. It's just a business agreement or it's a, it's very intentionally superficial or whatever it might be. And it's not so much that they're invested in one another or one person's more invested in the other. You know what I'm saying? That I've seen so many different dynamics at this point in my life. That I'm like, maybe that's why you guys feel so strongly about that'cause it is a common value. But most importantly, you guys are so invested in being good partners to one another. And that's not always the case. No. But I think we, we've, we know a lot of people who are invested in each other and genuinely have good intentions for their relationships. I think for us it is our personal values, but it's also tied to our cultural values and it's also tied to our generational values. And we have an understanding that it's the way we both want to show up in the relationship for each other. Like in the same way that I would be like, oh hell no. He would also be that way too. And you have to communicate what the boundaries are, and I think that's important. You have to, you have to communicate in your relationships and you have to be able to communicate to your partner and them to you. What feels comfortable and uncomfortable for them. And you have to be willing to adjust and like compromise in that, right? Like not change 100%, but like if someone is concerned like, Hey, your friendship with this person is just. A little too over the top. They don't need to come to my parents' anniversary dinner with us. Or they don't need to be in the room when you're giving birth to our child. Like we need to have some boundaries here then. Yeah, those conversations need to be had. Because I think in any relationship with any relationship topic, the people involved in the relationship have to be 100% on board and in agreement. With what the boundaries and limitations are within that relationship. And if you are not, the second one person is no longer in agreement and let, and let me say that can change, right? Especially with long lasting relationships. Those relationships evolve and develop, and that can change. So that means that the expectations can also change. That's why you have to have constant communication. Yeah, I agree. So what would you say are some of the green flags in a platonic friendship? Inclusivity, making sure that you include your partner with your best friend once in a while. Doesn't have to be all the time, and making sure that they feel like they're welcome and that they, their presence is enjoyed. Cause I feel like if you have like that weird kind of dynamic with a platonic friend and, it feels like, invite only kind of vibe. That could be really rough. People who talk about having a work wife or work husband, and I think most often than not they'll describe that as like a platonic friendship, and some of them will even be like, oh yeah, this is like my BFF We've just spent so much time together at work and we're just still close now. Is that acceptable? No. I agree. Next question. Listen, never acceptable. I don't like the whole like work, wife, work, husband, because I think you're labeling it as a different kind of relationship. And that to me feels disrespectful to the other people's partners. And I don't know if that's just my generational take, but. If I found out my partner was calling somebody, his work wife, you better believe some shit's about to blow up. I'm not a fan of that. I had, I had a bad experience with that, so no, I'm not a fan of that. Yeah. I had one partner that didn't tell me anything about any work wife and then he got a birthday card from his work and the girl signed it, love work husband. And I was like, who the fuck is she? I think it's relative to timing too, because like yeah, you do spend a lot of time at work and you do create bonds with people sometimes, but that one particularly, she had started like three months prior. I was like, that's a big red flag. That's a huge red flag for me. I would say more often than not, I do know people who have claimed a work wife or work husband, and I believe that it was a very platonic situation. But that's not the majority. The majority has been that at some point it has come out that there was some sort of affair that has happened. Or like feelings. Either before or after the partner, the long-term partner, came into the picture. Mm-hmm. And I swear to God, I've called it every single time. I'm like, Nope. 100% cheater. And people are like, oh my gosh, you're just so old school. You're just too traditional. Like you don't understand. It's totally platonic. I kid you not every single one of those that I can think of right now came back and was like, you'll never guess. Like, of course I can guess.'cause I guessed it then. Yeah. I've had one friendship that came out of a work environment. And he liked me and I had a boyfriend during that time and then I broke up with the boyfriend and then he was like, I like you. But I should have known, because when we were at work one time, he took his shirt off. And he walked out from the back. With no shirt on and he was in incredible shape and I was like, what the, and I had to like run to my office to get away from him. Oh no. Oh no. He was right. My ex-boyfriend was Right, right. Had to run away from him. And then he was like, the fact that you had to run'cause I told him. Yeah. I thought that was part of like being in a relationship is that you have to be very like, transparent and tell your partners everything. And maybe it still is, but yeah, he did not like that story. He got very upset. Okay. What about exes who didn't work out but then became quote unquote best friends? No. I have an ex story time who still follows me on Instagram, I do not follow him and there's no hard feelings. Our lives have gone very different directions, but the way we met was that he told his then girlfriend that I was his best friend. I had never met him before and then months later we got together. We had a bad ending, but then we ended up becoming like kind of friends'cause we run in the same social groups and then he wanted to be friends after that and he would tell his then partners that I was his best friend. And then I had to put the boundary. Super shady. That is shady behavior. And that is more often the case than not. Yeah. So I I, unless your ex turned out to be gay. Then you can be best friends with them. There's some caveats. Yeah, there's a barrier. I think then I think the ex then becomes a no go for BFF status if you get into a long-term committed relationship with somebody else. I also don't like the fact that like they've seen them naked. Yeah. That's weird. You can't be friends with somebody that you've seen naked. I think you can. No. Oh no a hot millennial take. If you've seen me naked, it's a no go but if you wanna go to secret Starbucks with your, opposite gender, BF that's cool. Go ahead. You do your thing. But if you've seen her naked, we have a problem. I feel like that is a boundary. Let's talk about, different scenarios. Okay. Would you be cool with, and then we're gonna fill in the blank. Okay. Okay. Would you be cool with your partner going on a weekend trip with their opposite sex best friend? Just the two of'em? I don't know that I would feel comfortable with that unless it was like a destination wedding. They were gonna like a wedding of a friend or something like that. But then why aren't you going to that wedding? Maybe I didn't want to. All right, fair enough. If that's the case, then I wouldn't really care. Like if it's a college thing and they're all going together. It's going, they're going to two of them, but they're meeting other people. Sure but that would still feel kind of weird. Yeah, that would be really awko taco and it's a hard pass for me. Don't even bring it up'cause it's just not gonna, it's not gonna go up. I think that's where the weird, the gray flags, blurred gray flags. Yeah. Okay. Your partner calls their BFF. The only person who really gets me, I move out the next day. You like motherfucker, what have we been doing this entire time? Am I a lamp? Like, who are, who are you? Who are you? Unless you all of a sudden are Chris Hemsworth. I do have one story where, like an exter to me, and I said, just because we're you, your partner is supposed to be your best friend. And he's like, you're not my best friend and I looked at him and I was like, excuse me. And he was like, yeah, I don't think that, I don't think your partner's supposed to be your best friend. People have a variety of responses to that take. I'm torn because yes, you should have such a closeness and an intimacy with your partner And I do think there is, for some people, a place for you to have a best friend relationship outside of that relationship that you have with your partner. Sometimes they're one and the same. Yeah. Not all the time. Okay, to be fair, I'm also the kind of person that calls five people my best friend. But also if that's the kind of relationship you want for yourself, then that's really important to know like my partner is my best friend. I literally tell that man everything and he tells me everything like we talk tea royalty. Like, you guys are so close that I know that if I tell you something, he probably knows it. It depends on what it is but that's why because listen, your girl still a vault. Okay. You're hanging out with your partner and they're bestie and they are laughing about an inside joke that you are not a part of. And they don't explain it to you? No. Okay. This is just rude. It's exclusionary, right? They're like leaving you out. That's not a green flag. Remember green flags are inclusive. It's like that show, what is it? How I met your mother when one Ted and Robin have like yes. Inside jokes and they laugh. It's so disrespectful. Also, we saw how that. How that played out. And they were exes that became really those friends, quote unquote best friends. Which was all bullshit. Your partner has late night FaceTimes with the BFF while you are in bed together? No. Are you unbothered or is this an absolute. Late night so this is multiple, yeah. FaceTimes. Okay. It's situational to me. I'm unbothered. If they live far and once in a while they have a FaceTime, if they're FaceTiming every week and it's like a ritual and it's in bed and I'm sitting, I would be like, I'm really glad that you feel like you need to talk to them near me. But this feels weird. I would probably bring it up and say like that feels strange. Because there's no, they're not being secretive. Right? Yeah. So they're being really open. So that's nice. But the other part is like, do you have to tell them goodnight every Friday or what's going on? Yeah, I would not be okay with it. Your partner says, I love you at the end of every convo with their BFF, it's like, okay, love you, bye. Is that platonic affection or is it crossing the line? I don't mind that. In fact, I think they should say it to their same gendered friends as well. If you have friendships with a gender that you are attracted to and you're telling them, I love you, you better be saying it to the other ones that you're not attracted to. To, yeah. If that's your like dynamic, then I don't care. Yeah. I mean, I tell my friends, actual friends that sometimes. Like, I love you honey, or you know, I really appreciate you. You're amazing. I don't know, just like affirmations of care. Yeah. Sometimes I just say, love you. One time I went to a friend's birthday party and I had a really good conversation with one of his friends. And she was a female. I'm not attracted to her or whatever but I was like, I had such a fun time that at the end of the thing I went, okay, love you. And she stared at me like, no you don't. And I was like. Oh, well that ruined everything. She hasn't talked to me, but it's the dynamic I have with my female friends. Yeah. Is that at the end of the nights we go"Love you" and it's not like I'm admitting my love to you. Like, I'm not in love with you. Yeah. It was the weirdest anyway, back to the. Okay. Their BFF has a key to your apartment just in case. No. Nope. Yeah, that's too much. I think unless it's a dual friendship. Like you guys are both best friends with this person and they're very involved in your life, then the, maybe that would be different but if it's just like a one-sided, like that's just your partner's best friend and now they have a key to your apartment. That's too much. My family would have a key to my apartment, but not my best friend. It depends because what if your family doesn't live nearby and your friend has to come plant it for you? Then I'll leave her a key in a lockbox. Okay. Your partner confides in their best friend about your relationship problems. We kind of talked about this a little bit, but healthy outlet or betrayal. This is where I feel like it's that gray area'cause emotional oversharing is a real problem sometimes and it actually causes distrust in relationships. And it can cause your partners to feel like you're actually betraying their trust if you're just consistently emotionally oversharing outside of the relationship. Yeah but a lot of people go to their friends for relationship advice. Yeah, and maybe you should think about that as an adult. Have they ever given you good relationship advice? Who are you asking? Right. What is their relationship like? Like are you going to McDonald's and be like, can you teach me how to make a full mignon? Yeah. No, they cannot. Are you on a subway and hoping that you're going to a Michelin star restaurant? I'm just kidding. Maybe they do give you great advice or they're like, like a door stopper and they're honest and they like, they're comfortable with checking you. And so you feel like you can check in with them about things, that's fine but if you're emotionally oversharing to the point where you're constantly, bashing your partnership or something. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's, it's sticky when it comes to that'cause you're right, some people don't like airing their dirty laundry to other people. They like to keep it contained they don't want people knowing all their business. And then some people are like, okay with it.'cause they're also doing it with their friends, so they'd probably be like, yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, ask your friends for advice. It's not a big deal. Like my thing is always this, here's my rule of thumb, if I share something with my friend about my relationship. Not my sister because my sister knows everything. So she's looking at you any which way. I'm judging you no matter what because yes, she does know your penis size. I'm just kidding. I'm joking. I know way too much about some people out there in the world. But if it's a best friend and I, my rule thumb is if I say something about that, you to my best friend and our relationship isn't ending. It's gotta be something that's okay enough for them not to judge you when you walk back in the room. That's my rule measure. I don't want them to be making harsh judgements on the partner because they don't really know the full context. So I'm always conscientious of that'cause I don't want them to. My family, on the other hand, they, they know everything, so gloves off. Sorry. Okay. Your partner is posting throwback pics of them and their BFF hugging or cuddling. No. Sentimental. Too bad you can't light Instagram on fire. Yeah, you just put the flame emoji. But that means something else, huh? Yeah, because fire means a good thing. That would be a great skit. Make that happen. LOL. Yeah, that's crossing those disrespectful lines there. That's a lot like why? Okay. What about if they're, okay, I'm gonna play devil's advocate. They're posting throwback pics because it's their best friend's like birthday or like anniversary. And they're like, look at all these pictures of us friend's throughout the years. I think it would bother me though. I wouldn't be in this scenario'cause I'm not cool with it. I wouldn't care if it was like something like a once in a lifetime day or once in a year, kind of day. Once a year you can post a picture, you can post pictures in reminse on your friendship. I think that's fine. If it was like just like a Thursday in August and they were like, you know, I just really missed them, but they also saw them last week, I'd be like, what is this? It could be a red flag. Something is wrong. Your partner is spending more one-on-one time with their platonic BFF than they are with you. Some weeks life happens. Or is this a total imbalance? I think it's an imbalance. Like if you're getting the friendship time and they're getting the relationship time. That's not okay. I think time is your most valuable commodity. So if you are oversharing it outside of your relationship, yeah. It's definitely a problem. And I would ask myself some deep questions if I was the person doing that. Yeah. You know, because sometimes we don't realize that there are relationships that we admire because they check those boxes or they fill certain criteria. But then there's the dynamics we have with other people or friendships that you're allowed to be a certain version of yourself. That maybe doesn't fit your personal choice of a relationship or a romantic relationship. And I think when you find yourself with those crossroads, you have to face those things head on or you're gonna end up in trouble. Yeah. Your partner is calling their BFF their soulmate in a non-romantic way. You know my hot take? That's a hot. I hope your soulmate has room for you and your shit. I think that's weird. That would probably get me, as the children say, crash out. I'd probably crash out and not'cause I'm sleeping. Well just'cause like, I feel like that's so disrespectful to someone who you're trying to build a life with. Yeah. So if you're, like, if you're in a serious relationship and you have established that you guys are trying to work towards something together, and then you say like, oh, but my best friend is my soulmate, by the way. My platonic best friend who's the same gender of the genders that you're sexually attracted to is your soulmate, quote unquote soulmate, then that means I'm number two and I'm not number two ever. Yeah. I think that's a relationship that maybe isn't gonna last.'Cause I think that that, so, okay, so with that being said, then those relationships can't exist. That statement that I just made, Uhhuh just proved that those relationships can't actually exist past a certain point. So what do you think the takeaway is? Uh, that I've grown a lot from the beginning of this episode to now. I'm just kidding. I think the takeaway is that platonic love is real but you gotta be really intentional about it, just like you would anything good in your life. Yeah. So if you're gonna have platonic friendships, despite whether they are from the gender that you're attracted to or not and you also wanna cultivate a very healthy, mature, serious relationship with somebody that's romantic. You always have to be mindful of the fact that things can impact your partner in certain ways that boundaries could potentially be crossed, and that you wanna really. Heavily rely on effective communication and understanding to try to build that level of trust with your partner. Yeah. Your romantic relationships don't need to take up every moment of your time. They definitely should be prioritized.'cause any partner who's invested in that relationship wants to be a priority. Okay, so final thoughts. Can you be in a relationship and have a platonic bestie? The answer is not one size fits all. It depends on trust, boundaries and communication, and whether everyone involved. Feels safe and respected. Yeah. And whether you're the friend, the partner, or just watching this all play out from the sidelines, platonic love is real powerful and sometimes complicated, but it's also worth protecting. So whether your BFF is your forever friend, your emotional support human, or you're unofficial therapist, just remember it's okay to ask the hard questions, set boundaries, and get clear on what feels right for you and your partner. And if your partner's BFF, is starting to fill like a third wheel in your relationship, it might be time for an honest check-in, not a blowout. If you like this combo, don't forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share the episode with your bestie your Boo, or that friend you're not sure how to label. Thanks for hanging out with us. Until next time, stay grounded, stay curious, and maybe go text your platonic soulmate just to say, hey, I see you. Bye bye.