Episode 5: If You Could Live Another Life, Alternate life paths, regrets, relationships, and radical self-acceptance

If You Could Live Another Life... would you?
In this soulful and surprising episode, Andi & Mich dive into the powerful what-ifs of life — inspired by The Life List on Netflix and the book The Midnight Library. From missed opportunities to alternative paths, they're unpacking how our choices shape who we become, why our brains romanticize the roads not taken, and how to find peace where we are.

They also tackle the viral 4-questions-from-the-movie that are making people rethink their relationships — and maybe even end them.

Expect laughter, personal stories, real talk about regrets and resilience, and a reminder that it's never too late to pick up a dusty dream.

💫 Topics include:

• Parallel life paths and the power of choice
• Relationship regrets and non-negotiables
• Letting go of perfectionism and embracing the now
• What dreams still live inside you?

🎧 Stay to the end for:
 A mini "What If" lightning round, hilarious throwbacks, and a warm send-off to keep dreaming forward.

If you liked this episode please like and follow our podcast, leave us a comment, and share it with a friend. Visit us on Youtube for extra content and full episodes https://www.youtube.com/@AndiandMich 

Your support helps us to keep the conversations going.  <3

-Andi and Mich 

The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs 

Transcript

Episode 3: If You Could Live Another Life – Timestamped Transcript

[0:00:00]
 Episode 3 If You Could Live Another Life - Completed [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to Andy and Mitch. Today's episode is gonna be one of those deep but fun conversations that just sticks with you. We're talking about the life list, the idea of wondering how life might look if we made different choices. Inspired by the movie "The Life List" on Netflix and conversations around the book, "The Midnight Library", we're diving into those what if moments and how they actually shape who we are now. Plus we're gonna talk about four of the questions presented in the movie, that has sparked some real life breakups. And we'll chat about how these questions make us reflect on our own relationships, past, present, and future. So grab a cup of coffee, and let's explore those alternative lives and what it means to choose your path. Let's get into it. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you made just one different choice or what dreams you would chase if you had the courage to start over? Today we're diving into that exact question we'll be exploring the idea of living multiple lives, choosing new paths, and how to embrace where you are right now. Yeah, as we watch the movie, we realized there were a lot of parallels and similar life lessons between the movie and the book. There may be minor spoiler alerts, but we're gonna work really hard to not provide spoilers. We're not gonna talk about the endings in particular, but there are some details that we might dive into. So, heads up in case you wanna read the book or watch the movie first, there may be some minor spoiler alerts. This is such a fascinating topic and I really have had fun talking about it. We should have been recording those conversations the entire time. But we were just processing for our own personal self-growth, and realized, wow, this would be a really interesting topic to bring to the podcast. To chat a little bit more about, because I don't think there's anybody who has not asked the what if question. There's two different viewpoints that you can kind of approach the what if question. One is from a place of curiosity and the other is a place of regret. It's more common to explore it in the place of regret , especially when you're looking at life choices compared to the outcome. A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 85% of people reported feeling regret about at least one aspect of how their lives turned out. This could be related to relationships, career choices, or missed opportunities.
 
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 I think it's fascinating the sheer volume of people that statistically live in a place of regret and or have experienced it. When I think about regret, I think about, often we forget the power that lives in the journey and the experience itself of something. Because I feel like if we're living in regret then I am failing to notice the lessons that I've been learning along the way. How do we get to a place of acceptance and openness? The movie it really hones in on this idea of how your life has turned out and whether it was the way you thought it was. Because she reflects back and her mom is a big part of that journey for her of like reflecting back to a younger version of herself who seemed more hopeful. And this probably happens to a lot of us. Somewhere along the way we get caught up in the hamster wheel and we lose track. Of those parts of ourselves, and we forget like what are the things that we wanna create in our lives? She actually reaches her goal to become a teacher, she's disappointed with her first experience teaching . The mom was like, I recognize this, so I want you to do this list that you made when you were a kid so that she could help guide her. And I like, there's a statement that the mom says is, I can't dig you outta this, but I'm gonna give you the shovel. Which is like a really beautiful sentiment. Which a lot of people don't have, that moment or that person to see the potential in your future. And to encourage you to explore it. So I do appreciate the approach they took to telling this story is like looking back on your life and saying, what if, but not in a way that is just solely dwelling . Kinda like the bucket list. Very similar. If you're very old school and you watch the old bucket list, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. They're like on the precipice of death. And so they decide they're gonna go out and do all the things that they always said they would do and they never did. They learn so much about themselves, in that journey differently, and also together, 'cause they have the companionship piece of it as they go through it. So we were also reading the Midnight Library book. Which if you haven't read, it's a great read trigger warning. It is deep. But it is very eye-opening and a unique way to look at this idea of the life choices that we make. Because they both explore this
 
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 idea of hope. Yeah. I think [00:05:00] hope is used differently in the two. But this idea of hope as a thread that drives both protagonists from despair and stagnation, it pushes them into a space of growth and renewal, but they have to reflect back on their lives, explore the meaning of it all. And the main character in that story, I would argue, is on the same path as the character in the life list. However, in the life list, that character has an intervention early on that helps kind of redirect her back to herself. And in the midnight library, she doesn't. So she ends up in a place where she's kind of stuck in between living and dying and has this opportunity to explore all of the possibilities of her life, in that moment in time. And also she's confronted with the reality that. Sometimes we tell ourselves these stories of what could have been if only, but we always have a really bright ending, that we counteract our current life with. They both offer us this question and we ask this to you as our listeners . What is on your list of regrets? Do you have any, what's on your list of, I wonder if, fill in the blank, and if I had done that, how would my life be different. How much of our time and energy are we spending on those questions when we really should be asking ourselves different questions? There's a lot of romanticizing of what could have been the character arc is accountability. So why do you think our brain romanticizes paths that we didn't choose? I think there's a number of reasons. A lot of what we take in and consume is a romanticized version of something, the stories we read, the stories we watch. Like our brains automatically are used to comparing and contrasting information. And sometimes we can get stuck in the compare and despair. Because we may be feeling a little bit of unhappiness, stuckness, whatever the feeling is and then we see somebody else's journey. But, you're only seeing final step 10, you didn't see the nine other steps that that person had to take to get to 10 and so then we create an illusion of what we think, that experience would be like for us. And sometimes you don't even have the tools, right? You can't identify that you're even stuck. You weren't taught the framework early on, to know how to even navigate your own emotions about where you currently are in life. Like do you have a life path that you sometimes wonder about? I think sometimes I wonder about
 
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 people that I passed on dating. I'm like, should I have said yes to that person, and would that have changed the trajectory of my life? I've made so many wrong choices in my life, but I feel really good about the life path that I'm on and we've talked about this, Andy, me and you. Is that I think if I wouldn't have made the decisions that I made, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. And I like the person that I am today. How about you? Yes but differently. So when I was younger, I used to think about that a lot. I used to have, not so much regret, but I used to be like, oh, what if I would've said yes to this? Or what if I would've pursued this career? What if I would've become, A famous pop star? What would that look like? And what if I would've stayed in that music scene? As an older adult with more wisdom and life experience, when I think about that, it actually makes me feel sad because, I think about, man, if I would've stayed in that scene. I would've not had a great life. Because I was not surrounded by the people, that would've protected me, would've cared for me and would've helped me grow and be successful in a wonderful way. Now reflecting back years later, decades later, it was like, no, that was the right choice for me to make. Walking away was a big risk, and it changed the trajectory of my life completely. Sometimes I do still have moments of where I have to catch myself of like, oh, I'm already this age, I should have experienced, or should have achieved, or I should have fill in the blank by this point in life, and I, have to self-correct and get myself back on track, because we all fall into that thinking . And even in relationships, I am very confident that I picked a partner that I was meant to be with and grow with. I could see that, yeah. Sometimes you're presented with these really great opportunities and you're not ready for them. And I think that's where I have had moments where I didn't really feel regret, but I did kind of explore it from a place of curiosity, like what would've happened and then I realized, yeah, don't make yourself miserable. 'Cause then you lose sight of your present self and you lose sight of your present opportunities. You also have to learn from that, those experiences without staying in that state. But if we're always looking forward, then we're also doing ourselves a
 
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 disservice because we're living in a state of constant anxiety. A different kind of what if, what if I do this wrong or what if I picked the wrong choice and then we don't [00:10:00] actually move forward or grow 'cause we're stuck in this cycle. And you can fall into the trap of perfectionism. Yeah. That's a type of suspension where perfectionism lives, when you're always asking yourself, well what if I do it better? And you kind of fall into that cycle. But if you can be in a place of presence and mindfulness, if you can live your life from that energetic space, that's where acceptance lives, that's where love lives. That's where grace lives, compassion, there's power in being in that space. I think this idea of parallel lives can be, overwhelming but in the story of the Midnight Library, they explore this concept, of like, every decision we make creates this parallel life and they all exist simultaneously. I think we all have moments where parts of us might be overwhelming or disappointing and we wanna be a slightly different version of that. Okay. But is it enough for you to say, okay, I'm gonna choose a different path now. Sometimes, and that's what growth is, when you hit those pain points they are usually pretty painful or not comfortable. right? Mm-hmm. so let's do a quick round and just kind of break out of the deepness of this. What if scenarios. What if you had married your first love? I did. Listen, you want some relationship advice? Hit me up. Not that I didn't care about other people in past relationships. There was something magical that I can't explain, between us there was a literal energetic spark. And that got real deep. That's real deep. What if you had married your first love? Like there's different types of caring. the word love, I used to say it all the time, sparsely. And now, oh no, yeah, didn't love that person. Yeah. Liked them a lot, learned a lot, glad it's over. So what about pursuing your high school dream career? What was your high school dream career? To be an actor. I think sometimes I might explore that even later in life. Age is relative to a lot of people. I have learned to break free of that. That's one of my strengths that I didn't know was a strength, is being rebellious in nature. What about you? What was your dream career in high school? It was to be a singer. If, you actually know me, yeah. Then, you know, there's a whole nother past life there. And I still love it, uhhuh
 
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 I would still probably do something with it later in life differently, but, yeah, I think that was my dream for a long time. After being in certain situations, in circles with the right people, it didn't feel, right. And so I started to make different decisions. That's the mystery of life. What if you stayed in your hometown? I ran away from that hometown as fast as I possibly could. I don't even like driving through it and we don't live that far away. I drive around it hashtag trauma. I don't have any regrets for leaving that area. I know people who still live there and they're perfectly content with it. It's not for everybody. I think for me, I needed to continue to explore and create life in a new way somewhere else. I would say for me. I never wonder about it. Because although I did leave my hometown, I've had a lot of moments of being back there. I had a lot of friends growing up that still live there, and I would like go there often . i'm never curious about that, I know what my life would've turned out to be if I would've stayed there. We grew up kind of in an era where that town was going through some changes. And it wasn't the safest or the best place to be. I kind of have a concept of what my life would've been if I would've stayed there. And I'm really glad that I didn't. What about, like, do you ever wonder what would my life be like if I was born rich? No. Oh, I just wanna win the lottery now. Story time when we were younger, our mom used to take us to this really rich part and we would walk through the houses, and I don't know if this is healthy, I know we didn't live there, but it, gave me this sense of like, ooh, look, it we're rich for today. Like in this moment, we got to walk through the houses, we would just explore them. We would talk through the intercoms and it was just really nice and fun. And clearly that's not being rich. I had no concept of what Rich was, but it helped you feel like you belonged in those spaces. Yeah, it helped me feel okay being in those spaces. But throughout my life, being around very privileged people mm-hmm. has often disappointed me or made me feel unwelcome and so I think that I have a different relationship with the concept of being rich, so I don't really wonder about that. How about you? More money, more problems. I think
 
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 it doesn't matter the amount of money you have. You can buy more material things, right? Yeah. In my many decades of being alive, I've met some of the saddest people, i've ever met some of the loneliest people I've ever met, who had the most material things handed to them their entire life. So I learned very early on that life was more than that. I'm not opposed to figuring that out now with all my wisdom. That's real wealth when you're rich and you're wise. [00:15:00] But there is something to character building and the resilience that was learned through the experience of not having that. So real interesting, this movie, the Life List has created so much controversy online. It's been a buzz since it came out and still is being talked about is finding true love and the what ifs and regrets around that. So let's talk about that. One of the most thought provoking parts of the life list is when Alex ask those four questions about true love. And honestly, they do hit hard. Yeah, it's such a clear, simple way to cut through the noise when you think about these questions. We're just gonna list them here, so, spoiler alert, the questions are, is he kind And I'm gonna put they, because any partner you're considering, are they kind? Can you tell them everything in your heart? Do they help you become the best version of yourself? And can you imagine them as the co-parent of your future children? If you want children. This is the part that kind of hit me because I have only been in a handful, just three fingers of serious relationships and when these questions were presented, as a grown woman, took a deep breath in and I had that feeling of like, why didn't anyone give me these questions? Like, why wasn't I presented these questions when I was growing up because they would've saved me so much time. These are the questions you need to be honest with yourself about. They're universal questions, whether you're looking for a partner at 25 or 55. It's important to have a compass of what your non-negotiables are. What is necessary for me to be in a healthy relationship? What would be some of your relationship non-negotiables that are not part of those four questions? One of the non-negotiables would be, does my partner make me feel seen? Do they see me? Not just can I share what's in my heart but do they see me for the person that I am and do they love me for the person that I am? And I think, in the history of
 
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 my experiences with the serious relationships that I've had, I'm gonna call them the not so serious relationships that I've had because they've been serious, but not, so serious. That is one thing that I took away that I will take on to the next one. Oftentimes, I was really dedicated and a hundred percent and all these things, and I would realize when we would start to become clear that it was ending. I realized one of the breaking points for me was that I never felt seen by them and all the times I was actually trying to fit into their lives and fit into the image that they had of me. And not who I actually was. Pretty deep, huh? Mm-hmm. I mean, that's real. How about you? Yeah. Um, I like that. I like what you said. I also want my partner to be able to be vulnerable with me. Because it has to be reciprocal, right? I also don't want someone who's just, I mean, yes, treat me like a queen, but also like we should be partners in this life and it shouldn't be one sided, because that creates a different kind of dynamic. Also a non-negotiable for me is you can't take everything so seriously. Like you have to be willing to laugh at some shit, some hard shit. You gotta be willing to ride the joy of life with me. You gotta be willing to be goofy, 'cause I'm gonna sing in the car, I'm gonna sing in the store. I'm gonna dance where it's inappropriate for me to dance, and I'm just gonna live. And I need someone who is on board with that. You have to be willing to just live in the joyful moments of life with me, even when life is hard and crazy. It's a form of respect. Yeah. You better respect somebody. What I find fascinating is people are writing and talking about how they're leaving relationships. People in their thirties, forties, fifties and above after watching this movie. Yeah. Asking themselves those questions like people are breaking up. Yes, this also happened on Netflix with Daniel Sloss. He's a comedian, he has a special on Netflix. Please go watch it, it's called Jigsaw. And at the very end, he has this portion where he makes people question, i'm not saying that you're not happy, I'm just saying you haven't statistically found love. It's like some punchline around that nature. 250,000 people wrote him that they broke up with their partners after they watched his special. Jeeze. I just wanna propose the concept that we don't know how to ask these questions until we know who
 
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 we are. And there's no deadline, there's no specific timeframe in which we're all expected to know who we are. I think it goes back to this idea that people can fall into the monotony, this is the checkbox that I wanted. So I checked it and now I'm, this is what it's supposed to be, so I'm just gonna keep moving with it. I bet you majority of those people were in relationships that weren't horrible, it's like, well, they're not bad people. Oh, like in, Ted Lasso where he's like, he's fine, but you deserve great. Is there any particular one that you feel is the heart of it all? [00:20:00] Yeah. Which one can I tell them? Everything in my heart? Because if you can tell them everything in your heart, then they are kind, they're likely gonna be more receptive to understanding what makes you tick. Mm-hmm. And wanting you to do those things. Doesn't necessarily mean that they'd be a good parent though. Mm-hmm. Number four is negotiable. I do think also if you can tell somebody something from your heart, that means that you have safety and that you have trust and that you can be vulnerable with them. And in order to have a deeply rooted connection beyond the superficial, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. I can even say for my own personal experience, there were times where I was in the wrong relationships 'cause I didn't have that. A lot of times I just had silence. I also had friendships, during that time that I could tell everything in my heart too. And there were times where I'd be sitting with my friends and I'd be like, why can't I actually say this to my partner? To your partner. Yeah. Do all four questions need to be a yes? I definitely think it is a good starting point, and I also think that you can have additional, non-negotiables for your relationships. I, as a young person was in relationships that I felt could have checked a lot of boxes and then reading through these questions, it's like, oh, actually no, that person did not help me become the best version of myself. And in fact, they kind of held me back. No, this person was actually not happy for my accomplishments. Yep. I experienced that firsthand. Or they saw you as secondary to their own accomplishments. Yeah. We are women in our thirties and forties. We talk about a lot of things as it relates to those experiences for us. And we start to reflect on what we really want going forward in our lives. Especially As we gain
 
 [0:27:00]
 age and wisdom, which is a gift. So I think there's a shift that happens like at a certain point and it's not the same timeline for everybody. But if we shift, how does it change things? I think it's less about rewriting the past and more about what can I still explore or change now. Yeah. What's something you've always wanted to try, but you never gave yourself permission to. Improv, it's fun, I also think it would probably put me in rooms with really interesting people. What about you? I think, I limited what I allowed myself to dream as a possibility . so I always wanted to travel, I always wanted to explore different countries and different cultures, and I always rationalize why I couldn't do it. Don't have the money. I'm a mom now, I have a career. I can't just get up, all the excuses that we come up with. And so I would definitely put that on my life list to just really start exploring. Another thing would probably be, like voiceover work. I've always been curious about that and love the idea of doing it. I don't even know anything about it. I don't know anything about this field, how you get into it. Nothing but just to have fun and do something fun like that. I could see that, yeah. So let's talk about finding peace where you are. I think sometimes the real win is finding peace . Accepting that you made the right choices you needed to make in the moment you did the best you could with what you had and how you were living, and all the factors that are involved in any single decision that we make in life. I think it's radical self-acceptance. It's letting go of these preconceived notions that you had of how you thought things were gonna turn out. And it's getting clear on who you are today, how you got here, and what you want to cultivate moving forward. What's some advice you might give someone who feels like they're stuck and they can't make peace with the what ifs or let go? I would tell them, focus on the little things, not the big things . Reframing some of the things that you maybe feel regret towards, instead of looking at it from the perspective of a loss, looking at it with the question of, what can I learn from that regret? Ask yourself, what is this regret telling me that I currently am missing ? Be open to exploring the things that bring that little spark into your soul. What about you? I wholeheartedly believe that wherever you are in
 
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 this moment is where you are meant to be. If I am lucky enough to be able to reflect and say, oh man, maybe I want to try something different, or maybe I want to explore something that I just put up on the shelf and I let it collect dust over the years, and now I'm ready to take it off. If I'm lucky enough to be able to ask that question, then there's no better time than the present to do that. What I like about the movie is that things that were on her list were not all things that she loved or enjoyed doing. She failed at some of them, but she got something out of the experience of doing it. Also, if you're having trouble answering this question of like, what brings me joy now? [00:25:00] What used to bring you joy is the next question you should ask. If you can remember a time when you were younger and happy, what kind of things did you do? What did you explore? How did you have fun? What made you laugh? Connect back to that version of yourself because she existed to help you in this current version of yourself. It's up to you. You have to give yourself permission to let go of regrets. You have to give yourself permission, to change. And not live and regret and accept and love yourself on the path that you're on. And like Andy said, giving yourself permission is really important. And the reason why is something you can find if you decide to read the midnight library. If you do not give yourself permission to explore this, you can become really resentful and stuck in a negative space. Mm-hmm. 100%. I really love the conversation and I think it's, it is funny how thinking about our what ifs can make us appreciate where we are now, even if some paths didn't go the way we planned. Yeah. And those relationship questions, such a simple way to cut through all the noise and figure out if you're with the right person. If this episode made you reflect on your own life relationships, we wanna hear from you, DM us, or leave us a comment, what's one life path you sometimes wonder about? Or if you're brave enough, tell us one of your relationship non-negotiables. Thanks for joining us today. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, share, and leave us a review. It helps more people find the pod and keep the conversation going. Until next time, keep dreaming, and remember, it's never too late to start that new chapter. Bye bye.