Episode 3: Advice to Our 25-Year-Old Selves, Mistakes Made and Lessons Learned

Remember when we thought 25 was grown? If only we knew then what we know now! On this episode we reflect back on our younger years, the mistakes we made, the lessons we've learned, and some things we've unlearned along the way. Listen in for some relatable stories and lots of laughs. I mean we were just babies then and had no idea what we were doing! But, that version of us got us to where we are today and we are showing her some love!

Wisdom, laughs, and lessons from two women who’ve lived a little—and then some

Two Sisters. Two Generations. Lots of Laughs.

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-Andi and Mich

The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs

Transcript

0:46

Hello everybody. Welcome back to Andy and Mitch. Okay. Can we just start by saying, remember when we thought 25 was grown, like full-blown adult mortgage ready, emotionally stable, living in a Pottery Barn catalog or something? I thought I was supposed to have a husband, a house, a five year plan, and a skin routine. Plot twist. We were adorable and delusional. So whether you're 25 now or just remember her fondly. This one's for all of us trying to figure it out. Let's get into it. All right, so I used to believe that 25 was my figure it all out deadline. For a long time I was scared to change directions. I stayed in jobs for many years, in friendships for even longer. I do wish someone had told me it's normal to pivot. You're not failing, you're just adjusting and life isn't a straight road. It's a roundabout with all kinds of confusing signage. I used to think that quitting meant you were a quitter. That if you had a plan, you were supposed to stick to it but no, what I learned is sometimes quitting is winning. As we dive in, I want us to like, let's root and connect to that 25-year-old version of ourselves. If your 25-year-old, you, had a theme song, what do you think it would be? Portisheads, Roads, one of the most deep songs still to this day, I still jam to it. What was your 25-year-old vibe? my vibe when I was 25 was very lost. I think my hair looked lost, my face looked lost. Everything. How does your hair look lost. That was the era of like scream rock, indie rock, it being really prevalent during that timeframe. I very much was going to those kind of shows and concerts, lots of side bangs, and I thought I was super chill for the most part when I was 25. I maybe was a little pretentious, really into photography and was heartbroken when I was 25, experience, a heartache at that age. 25, so lots of advice that you can probably give to that. Here we go, guys, 25-year-old version of yourself. How about you? Oh my gosh, at 25, my vibe was very similar to my current vibe, so I don't know how much I've evolved in life, I really musically loved neo soul music and I still do. It's part of my essence core, Erica Badu and Jill Scott. We used to go to concerts all the time, like small scale concerts, like House of Blues. Yeah. I used to love seeing shows there'cause it was really small My dress was very nineties, but cute and comfy. I was freaking adorable then, I had actual fire, red hair. I was also trying to figure out what are those long-term deadlines and check marks. That I need in life to have a career to, I was trying to get more serious about those things at that time. I definitely did not have all the answers or any answers, but that's also my personality. I'm kinda a little flighty like that. I always wanna do like a hundred different things. So I think I was trying to figure out how to focus on something. What were you working as, what role did you have, if you don't mind me asking? When I was 25. I was in school still, so I was trying to finish school. I also was working for a small privately owned boutique because the hours were really flexible and they used to pay me a lot of money to work there. That's right. And I could go to school and had, take all the classes. So it's kinda like an upscale, private boutique that paid ridiculously well. And we were a very small team, but it was easy to work there'cause all of us we were all still trying to figure it out. We were all various ages of twenties, all women, a whole women team. It was a woman-owned company. What about you? At 25 I had the coolest job, I went to like a placement agency and they ended up placing me in a really cool editorial job. I became a content manager, around the time that apps, had taken over the marketplace. I did a lot of editing for major magazines and it was just really rad. They really wanted to be Google. We had a old retro van, we had races in the office, we had a ping pong table, some gaming stations, unlimited snacks and food. It was pretty cool. To go from that to a real job was a, that company ended up going under, and I was one of the last four people to leave, I sank with that Titanic. I was Jack, you were hanging on to the side of the board and someone kicked you off. I just slowly drifted into the ocean. since we're connecting with our, younger versions what do you think is the funniest misconception you had about adulthood at that age? Oh, that I would be married and I'd have a house. There's this really weird stigma that's passed down and I see it now amongst the youngsters. Mm-hmm. And they're like, I'm getting so old, like it's a panic. Yeah. I think a funny misconception that a lot of people have is that at 25 or somewhere around, we think we're grown. Like we think we know everything there is to know. And we don't, we know nothing and we're still figuring it out. Yeah. And also like, I think I thought at that age, like that was the peak coolness. I wasn't gonna be any cooler than I was at 25. And I wanna take that back because I do think we have become cooler with age for reasons that we didn't even realize. I agree with that. I didn't think that I was gonna become cooler 25'cause I've never been cool. Yeah. That's something cool people say. That's what my old colleague used to tell me all the time. That's something a cool person would say. I wasn't cool. I just used to hang out with everybody, make friends with everybody, you know, a floater. And I was like, no, whatever. You're Switzerland, you're just playing with the hacky sack on the side. You get along with everybody. Yeah.'cause the cool person's kind of indifferent and they're too cool to care, you know? I guess so. So what belief about success or adulthood did you hold tightly back then? There are certain things you have to accomplish in order to be considered successful in life. You have to get the right relationship. You have to start the family, you have to get the good paying job. You have to buy a house, buy a car, which essentially get in debt. Isn't that crazy? Society, we really missed the mark there because there were so many things that I really could have benefited from, like real financial advice and how to invest and how to define what makes you happy in life and all of this other stuff. I didn't know anything different, so I just thought. Okay, well I'm just gonna do the things that are on the list because that's what you're supposed to do. When did you first realize that what you commonly expect at the age of 25 isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, 40. I think that's a big lesson that's very complicated and nuanced. I was learning it, not knowing I was learning it, and then when pandemic hit, it became very clear in my head, like, oh yeah, I need to let go of this, and I've been holding onto it. Like, I went to grad school, worked my ass off, but I didn't pursue that as a career full-time. Yeah. And everybody's opinions, were weighing heavy on me that I kept following the narrative, like, oh yeah, I'll go back to it. When I knew in my mind, I had already made a decision for myself that I wanted to do something different and pivot. But because I think I was so concerned about what other people would think and what their opinions were, that they were very happily sharing with me, even though I didn't ask for them. That was just kind of taking over. And then when pandemic hit, because we had so much time to ourselves, I had a lot of clarity of Actually no, I need to grieve this and let it go. I'm not going back. And I was finally able to say that and believe that with confidence that this whole idea that I have to have everything figured out, and once I do that, I have to follow the path, as it's been laid out to me, that shattered completely. There's a double side to that coin with education particularly if you feel that you didn't meet the marker by a certain timeframe, you're terrified to try to meet the marker later in life. And it will actually deter a lot of people from trying to go back and find alternative pathways to finish education, in the line of interest that they have later in life. Right. Yeah. It's not always gonna be the same. It's kind of ridiculous to assume that what you like when you're 18, that you're gonna love when you're 40. And you don't, I mean, those are lessons I try to impart on younger people. My child included is like, you can have many iterations of a career. And they can look different from each other throughout your lifetime but we were raised by boomers. And so, for them, their generation was, you go to school, you find a partner, you get married, you have a family, you have a good job and then you stay at that job for 50 years, until you retire with Allstate. You collect your retirement benefits and then you live out the rest of your life in retirement. That is no longer reality. And I think it hasn't been reality for quite some time, but I think that narrative still exists, that influences how we think about our life trajectories. That's why so many people are feeling like they're in crisis As early as 25 for sure everything that they told me that is supposed to be my benchmark isn't even attainable. Like buying a house, it's like feels impossible right now. And there's a lot of people that land the job and land the partner and land the stuff and then they get to that crossroads where they're like, wait a minute, I still can't check these boxes off, but I did everything right. Yeah. And then there's people that are like, well, I can't check them off'cause I didn't do everything right. And so I don't even think I have an opportunity to fix it or find an alternative pathway. Yeah. It's, it's definitely kind of heavy when you think about it that way. But looking back, what advice would you give your younger self about making decisions and trusting the unknown? Learn to hear your own intuition early. Listen to yourself. You gotta drown out the noise. Because nobody knows what's best for you, the same way that you know what's best for you. What about you? I like what you said about trusting your inner knowing. I think for me, I would want to encourage, develop a relationship with failure and fear. That's a good one, to not be so deterred by fear and also to reframe your failures. Both of those lead to this idea of like, you have to learn how to trust yourself. You know, you have to trust yourself in your successes, in the decisions that you make, but you also have to trust yourself enough to know that when you fail, you're gonna be okay. You've survived a hundred percent of your worst day so far, every day that you wake up. So technically you're batting a hundred even when you think you're not. Did you have a that turned out to be the best thing for you? I'm currently in a pivot that felt scary, but has turned out to be a really good thing for me. People don't talk about that part. They're like, it's the best thing for you, it's like, yeah but it's scary the whole way through. And this comes from a place of us growing up, when you come from instability and you finally get stability and financial security, it gets really tricky. And like it's become a big thing in my life and I've always prided myself on being able to take care of myself and not have to rely on others. And so on one hand I am. In a place where I've never felt more myself, I feel really proud of the person that I am. I have been applying very selectively to different opportunities because my big leap was to leave my last position. And it's not that it was the worst position. I actually got along with most people, I did a great job, I had a good setup to be there for a while. And so it was really scary to me to come to terms with the fact that I still wasn't happy, that I didn't feel like I could be myself in those spaces. it started to really take a toll on me Did you feel like the pressures of timelines, such as the ones that maybe you were carrying forward with you from your twenties into your thirties, that some of those timeline pressures were part of the reason that you stayed as long as you did? So there's this interesting realization that happened about a year prior to me actually making the move of leaving, I started seeing myself become very rigid I was like, this feels foreign, I don't like the way, this feels. I normally wouldn't get agitated about these little things. I chose to go to therapy and with my trustee therapist, you help me navigate these emotions and we realize, well, the thing is you're digging your heels into a situation that no longer serves you. Into an environment that no longer help you grow because you've exhausted all of the opportunities for growth here. So it's time for you to move. But the question is, are you gonna let your fear stop you from moving? When I first took the leap, I slept for a week straight. And I was like, I'm depressed, I made the wrong decision. And then I realized, no, you're not depressed. I started coming back to myself. I started listening to music, singing while I'm washing dishes, working out with friends, making better decisions for myself. I started realizing you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Now what are you gonna do next? Do you think you would've made the same decisions at the 25-year-old version of yourself? No, I wasn't ready for it, at 25, I had different values than I do now. And so I valued myself way less at 25. And I valued objectives, and other people, I would place other people a lot higher than I ranked myself and now I have this really unconditional love for myself. So I am hard on myself about some things, but I am really quick to intervene and shut it down. a lot of times there's this misconception that you're gonna heal and it's just a bandaid and everything's fixed. If you sign up for the healing journey. Yeah. You're on it for the long haul. And healing to me has become this everyday decision to just not hurt myself. Mm-hmm. And, sometimes that is very challenging'cause a lot of the coping mechanisms that we learn, especially when we're living through chaos, they're not always the best. I love a good cookie platter, when I'm down and out, is it good for my body? No. Mm-hmm. My pancreas is like, what the hell are you doing? And I'm like, just chill, I got it under control. With that being said, it's time to discuss relationships. What were we doing at 25? In relationships? I was highly committed to the wrong person. I was not only highly committed to the wrong person, I also was like helping them achieve their goals, putting my goals on the back burner This part I think is maybe more for the I can fix him, girlies. Did somebody say my name? You know this idea like, you need to stop thinking you can turn a red flag into a throw pillow'cause you can't and you cannot redecorate around dysfunction. I bought them new furniture and I paid for their studio. I did a lot of things that I thought you were supposed to do as a partner. And I should have been putting it in a 401k. Now I look back on it and I'm like, it's because I came from this very traditional belief system, behind the role of a woman, and I didn't even realize it. I was so obsessed with being chosen when I was, in my twenties that I forgot to choose myself. And honestly, falling in love with you first, is your top priority. Yeah. Get to know your quirks, your rhythms, and your joy. What about you, what were you doing? At the age of 25, I was working, I was going to school. I was learning how to be in a, healthy relationship and what that meant. And also, learning how to own my own in that relationship. Get to define my role and not let other people define that for me or the stereotypes of what it means to be in a relationship, especially as Latinos. And I had a saying, I'm not your mother and I'm not your maid. That's a good sign. Right? Like, I'm not your mama. I'm not your maid. I'm your partner. And we need to learn how to do life together and grow together and better ourselves. Because, you know, there's a lot of things I'd like to be able to accomplish in life and so I was doing a lot of that. And it was early on'cause early years in any relationship, it's not always smooth sailing. I think the honeymoon period fades very quickly. And then reality kicks in and it's like, okay, I gotta figure out how to do life with this person and figure out how to do it in a way that I don't lose myself in the relationship and they don't lose themselves in the relationship. Yeah. But that we continue to grow and evolve together. So, outta curiosity, what kind of relationships were you drawn to The kind of relationships I was drawn to in my early twenties. Initially were just young and fun, I just wanted to have fun. I wasn't interested in settling down or getting too serious, I didn't wanna be tied down, you know, this free spirit had a roam. And then when I met my now partner, that felt like it deserved more tenderness and attention. So then it shifted my interests in relationships then became looking for something more mature. Looking for people that were more respectful because in my, I just wanna have fun. You're also then picking people who also just wanna have fun. And you start to realize like, they don't treat you so well. When the tequila buzz wears off, the relationship is over. Yeah. I think for me it was complete opposite, I was in serious relationships period. The first relationship I had was like, if I was having a really fun time, but just with one person. He was just the life of the party, he wanted a party, that was it and we were also kids. Yeah. No negative feelings toward him whatsoever. And then I dated a little bit. And then I was in another long-term relationship and that one was a trap. I tried to actually just date him. It's a trap. Okay, I'm just gonna share this, I guess. I tried to just have a one night stand. Okay. Uhhuh. And then he asked me to be his girlfriend in the middle of the one night stand. Oh. That's a major red flag, and that's a major red flag that you ignored. And I remember going to work and I had talked to this colleague of mine and I told him I did it. I had a one night stand for the first time in my life and I was so proud. Probably not what parents wanna be hearing right. I think it's okay for women to own that and feel empowered with their own sexuality to say, I don't need to be committed just because I'm a woman. I can go have fun too and explore life. Yeah. And I was so proud. I was like, I did it. I told my colleague, he was like, congratulations, we high fived on it. I'm a little nerd, clearly. And then, then he tells me, so what happened? And then I told him, and then he went, what the are you in a relationship? And I went, he's like, fail. Yeah. And then I went, okay, listen, I'm gonna break up with him a week it'll be fine. That's not how a one night stands are supposed to work. Fast forward to a year and a half later, we finally split. But I think our relationship was actually very sweet until it wasn't. They're always sweet until that, Yeah, he was a musician. Another major red flag, you ignored. No musicians, get a bad rap. Not one of them has proven me wrong. Oh my gosh. It just depends on the type of musician that you date. Sure, sure. We'll just leave it at that. What's one red flag you ignored? Clearly we know what mine was. I think in my early twenties, pre long-term partner. Control. Oh yeah! Like being in a relationship with somebody who, one wanted to get very serious, very fast red flag. Right? Like, we barely know each other. We're also children, so tone it down. But also was very, manipulative and wanted to control future decision making, like tried to make decisions without me kind of thing. And those were like, whoa, wait a minute. That definitely ended rightfully so, and it definitely crashed and burned I was just in the moment, in the early stages of it, trying to rationalize it. Oh. Like they just really care. They're really invested. Right. That's right. And the, but at the same time I was also questioning it. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I was ignoring those flags in the beginning'cause I should have seen them right out the gate. That makes sense. I think my whole last relationship was one big red flag from start to finish, from start to finish, also a very controlling person, very, just mean. Yeah. He was mean and it was interesting too, a big red flag that I totally ignored was like, my closest people all saw it. Those are major red flags. I think that happens a lot early on in relationships, especially when you're in your early twenties, is when your prospective partner or the person you're dating does not bring you around their friends or they isolate you from yours. Yeah. Yeah. That's a grab your shit and run red flag. Yeah. Again, let's repeat life lesson. Do not go into a one night stand and walk out with a relationship and when they cannot bring you around their friends or family or their apartment, don't ignore that. And more importantly, if they don't want you around your friends, your family, or at your apartment Grab your shit and run. Yeah I went out with somebody very briefly and I noticed right away that they were very particular about where we could go out. Oh, a cheater. Yes. Oh my god. Such a cheater. Yeah, totally, had a girlfriend, also a musician. Okay. Yeah. You know what? I'm not trying to hate on all musicians, but there's, some things that are common. And then had the audacity to say, oh, I broke up with her so I can be with you, so we can be a couple now. Ooh. And I was like, oh, hey, no. That's a good way to like kind of go into the next one, which is when did you first learn how powerful boundaries are? At that time I thought very highly of myself in some ways, and then I felt very insecure in other ways. So it is also this like double-edged sword, the relationship that you have with yourself. Says a lot about how you show up in relationships, especially when you're young, because you're still trying to figure out yourself and figure out what your boundaries are. And what your likes and dislikes are. So it's, it's kind of hard to be clear with that when you're not clear on what that is. Yeah, that's true. What about you? In my twenties, I learned some really good boundaries after my last relationship. That relationship it definitely fell apart. I was in the middle of moving. I had just started a new job, it was a whole thing. And that's when I learned the power boundaries. I ran into that person a few times after that and he tried to reach out to me a few times and I blocked his number. I moved, he didn't know where I lived anymore. And the times where I did run into him, it was like, I kept the conversations really short, very serious, very professional, almost. That was the first time I learned how to set boundaries.'cause I was like, no, this is never gonna happen again. I'm never even gonna look at you the same way. And the other part is that it then bled into other areas. I suddenly started to feel more confident in my abilities at work. I started to root for myself in ways that I had forgotten how to. Did you ever stay in a relationship out of fear of being behind? Yeah, I think a lot of people do this, especially if being in a relationship is a priority for you And it's probably true for 99% of humans. We wanna be connected and. And have love and experience that dynamic with somebody. All of us have a point in time where we maybe question a relationship, but we stay because we don't wanna be alone. Oh, but I'm already this age and if I don't find somebody, then I'm gonna be behind. I'm not gonna be able to do the next things on the list without the person. And it's unfortunate'cause I do think a lot of times, and we settle. I learned early on that I didn't want to settle. I really took that power back of like, if I'm gonna commit to a relationship, it's gonna be a conscious choice that I'm going to make because I really love this person and because I can see us building a life together. Yeah. You were better at that than I was. Yeah. I guess I was better at boundaries than I thought. I think for me, I definitely relate to this question and I have stayed, it wasn't the fear of being behind. It was more the fear of failing as a woman. I had this weird narrative in my head for a while and then I broke out of that but it was really uncomfortable to break outta that because it took a lot of questioning why that even existed I also come from, we've, dropped the trauma word here and there, but we've had, you know, hardships in our lives and we've seen really bad examples of what love is supposed to be sometimes. Mm-hmm. In different areas of our life, and when you come from a background like that, it also plays a big role in how you choose your partners and how you choose to show up for yourself. And so that can keep you stagnant in relationships where you know you should leave but you don't. Yeah. And so, let's do some funny advice for our 25-year-old self. By yourself the flowers'cause you are the queen. Stop texting him back, he's not busy, he just doesn't like you enough. Be your own pinchy sugar daddy. Romanticize your life first. The red flag is not a challenge, you are not Bob the builder so let's talk about money and career talk, because this is a big one. Money and career talk is real, especially when you're young, because it goes back to that idea of what I think I mentioned earlier is like there is not one thing you're gonna do for the rest of your life career wise. So you need to be open and creative and have fun with it. Like apply for the jobs that feel like they might be slightly out of reach. Believe in what you can accomplish and your dreams and and things like that. But also budget. You gotta find the balance. Like you need to learn how to be good with money and have a good relationship with money when you're young. Mm-hmm. Because when you do this, when you're young. Your money can sit and grow exponentially over time. Yeah. When you're older and you're trying to figure that out, you don't have as much time anymore. It's much harder. Yeah. And then you're like, dang it, why did I spend all that money up in the club or on that fancy car or that fancy purse back then? Mm-hmm. When it means nothing now. And that money could have got me closer to being a millionaire when I retire. It was on sale is not a personality, okay. You need to budget. You need to start a strategy. You don't need another indoor plant,$25 can go to a savings account, put the paper weight down, put the pen set down. I'm talking to my 25-year-old self and maybe some of you as well. Savings is a big one, but also learning how to invest your money. Learn how to be your own peachy sugar daddy. No real words have been said because there's something very empowering about being able to cultivate your own money, your own financial stability, and to be able to take care of yourself no matter what. That level of independence and confidence you can't buy and freedom. Yeah. You can't buy that kind of freedom. And budgeting should not feel like a punishment to you. And for a long time in my twenties, it was like, what do you mean I have to put something in my savings? Then I can't actually spend it on fun. But like budgeting is not a punishment, it's actually a privilege. Learning how to reframe that and to be able to be really consistent and remember that you don't have to have this major objective but if you're doing the long game, like many of us have to do, because we don't make that much money, it's like you also wanna be able to still enjoy your life, but be realistic. It does add up over time. What do you think your relationship was with money when you were in your early twenties? Oh my God, it was so horrible. No one taught me responsibility. I knew like I had to pay my bills or they would take away my stuff, right? Or I had to pay my rent, or I would not have anywhere to live. I didn't understand the concept of like, budgeting. I didn't even know investing was an option. At the age of 25. And so, while I was really street smart, I also went to a horrible high school where my instructors actually would, discourage us as students. Especially if we weren't at the top of the class, they would say things like, don't worry, you're gonna be a great barista someday. And so because of that, when I graduated high school I would talk my way into these jobs that paid higher than minimum wage. I think the only time I ever made minimum wage was my first job, at a movie theater. And then after that, it was like I actually was making more than all my friends. And if I would've saved and put money into investing at that time, oh, I'd be rich as hell. But I did not know any better, and that's really unfortunate and I'm really pissed off about it actually. Mom and dad. Learn how to budget, but do it with balance, because I do believe joy needs to be a line item too. Right. So I don't believe in budgeting to the extreme that you don't treat yourself based on all the hard work that you're putting in. But when we're young, sometimes we lean too much on that side and not so much on the saving for our future side. So. Lean a little more on the saving for your future side. What about body beauty and being enough? Ooh, this one is gonna hurt. I feel like I spent too much time treating my body like a project, but your body is not a Pinterest transformation. And in that not learning and knowing early on how to love and appreciate myself and my body. What about you? I was so hard on myself. I have had a lot of women in my life where they do the comparison game. I didn't really do the comparison game with other women. I would just be so hypercritical. I didn't think I was thin enough, I didn't think I was feminine enough. Mm-hmm. I mean, the list goes on and on, and when I look back at that young 25-year-old, I just wanna hug her. I was my own bully. And we usually are. Yeah. That's usually the case. It's really harsh because we internalize so much of what we're absorbing from the outside beauty standards and expectations, and we make those fact for ourselves. So that becomes some like unrealistic expectation that you're always trying to achieve. And most people who do eventually maybe achieve some of those milestones still don't feel worthy because it's not about that. It's about like developing your self-confidence and your, your love for yourself so that you always have that no matter what your body looks like,'cause your body's gonna change. As women listen, decade to decade, year to year, it just is gonna change. That's just how life is. That's how nature works. Children, no children. Super into fitness, not into fitness. You are going to change, there's gonna be many iterations of what you're gonna look like and feel like in your body. Botox, no Botox. You'll still age until they completely make it so that we're all vampires. You're gonna age okay. Yeah. And even when they do make that, if you're not rich, you're aging. Yes. We're all gonna age and we're all gonna change. And it's such a deeply psychological mind fuck that we go through as women. I feel like it's so relatable. What you're saying is like when you're, especially when you're younger and you look back and you're like, damn, I look good. Why didn't I think that about myself then? It's because we were trying to impress the wrong people and not impress ourselves. For me, I was trying to impress the partners I had and they were always, their eyes were always wandering. So the comparison really wasn't with other women. It, for me, it was, I would see them like never really appreciating who I was. And I was like, well, I guess I'm not worth it, you know? And I internalized that as like my own narrative. And when other people would be like, you're beautiful. I'd be like, yeah, okay. This is probably generational. Yeah. I also grew up in a time where stick figure skeleton, like runway models was cool, i'm not gonna lie. And it was, what was her name? Kate Moss. Oh my God, she was a big deal, I forgot about Kate Moss. Heroin chic was the thing, right? Like dark and sunken in circles and you're like, look, emaciated with no curves. Yeah. That was all over the place. Right? This is what was in magazines. This is what these unrealistic beauty standards were set up against. And I was a curvy Latina girl, I didn't fit into any of those standards, so I felt like I wasn't beautiful enough because that's the message of beauty that was being shoved down our throats all the time. And unfortunately also in families, other women in our families too, would always comment about body type, body shape, things like that. So I became very self-conscious at a very young age, of my curves. And I didn't feel great in my body, but I can look at a picture now of me then, and I'm like, damn, I was hot. But I can appreciate it now differently. But I just didn't have the confidence and I, I didn't see people around me who were also appreciating that type of beauty, in the same way. The crazy shit that people would do as women, especially to try to meet these, these crazy standards of beauty. You came from the generation where you guys really got hooked to diet pills. Okay. Fun, fun story, herbal life was a huge thing, I was broke, so I didn't spend money on stuff like that. But one of my old colleagues brought a bottle of HerbalLife and, it is crazy to think back how many diet fads people were on. Because this people were trying to achieve this like, standard, that was so unrealistic. But she brought in Herbalife and then So she started handing it out to everybody to try it, right? Yeah. I didn't know what it was. They were like, it's an herbal supplement. We come from a line of women that use herbs as healing. So I took it. I was high as a freaking kite at work, I literally was sweating and talking and running around. I like jogged around the block on my break. Like legit, when have you ever seen me jog? Never. Never, never. You will not catch me on a jog. My heart was beating so fast and I thought, oh my God, I'm gonna have a heart attack. I'm gonna die. I didn't sleep for two days. Like it was wild. That's crazy. And the worst part is. I was like, I'm never gonna take this again. I feel awful. There was also like this weird hangover from it. Because it was actually drugs. That was being sold and marketed as diet pills but the worst part is, is that so many of the women that I worked with bought bottles of that after trying it. So they like because you don't get hungry. Yeah. Because you're on speed. I feel like that's like energy drinks for my generation. Yeah. And then later it was like, oh, it's been pulled off all the shelves because, you know, FDA and all this and had to be rebranded and a new formulation that didn't have speed in it. That's too much. Yes, I do remember that. I remember. I didn't even remember the name. But now that you said it real life, I'm like, yes, that was it. It was like a whole scandal. People were addicted to it, I remember people doing the cabbage soup diet. I never heard that one. When you make this cabbage soup and they would eat it, that's all you would eat for like seven days straight. Yeah. The torture that we put ourselves through. I can relate to that part. Like I remember, the partner that shall not be named. He actually was like, I'm vegan. Oh yes. And he said, you would become thinner and more attractive if you actually joined me and were vegan too. How fricking dare you? And I remember being kind of insulted, but also like, I guess I could try it, but I was really upset inside because I love chicken. I've loved chicken since I was a kid. Andi is laughing because chicken and rice. I love Japanese food. I love anything that has chicken and rice in it. Arroz con condules and some nice, grilled chicken. Anyway, the point is I betrayed myself, went vegan. There was a lot of really good reasons around becoming vegan, it's actually better for the environment, it cuts a greenhouse gas emissions. It does actually cost a little bit more when you have to pay for all the supplements that you need in order to be a healthy vegan. People don't like about that. And back then it was harder because the vegan options weren't as plentiful as they are now. I ate really healthy, but it was more expensive because they were at like little tiny markets and they did not taste good. Mm-hmm. They weren't as like flavorful as they are now. But I got really into it and I ended up being the skinniest I'd ever been. And so I think what I'm saying is that you don't have to make some commitment to a facade, right. I think just try to be healthy to your best ability and also enjoy yourself. I don't think any of this matters unless you learn how to have and practice self-love and appreciate whatever body you have. Appreciate the beauty that you are and the beauty that you bring, with this kind of radical self-love and acceptance. If you don't have that, then you're always gonna criticize no matter what, even when you're healthy. Yeah. What's one thing you love more about yourself now than you did then? Actually watching that show Naked Attraction, I was like, I'm actually really beautiful naked. How about you? I think one of the things I love more about myself now than I did then is my smile and my high cheekbones and a lot of my features on my face were identified as being very ethnic features growing up. Oh my God, me too, yeah. And that was delivered in a negative way. But now as a woman who's aging with grace and compassion, I think my smile is very beautiful and I love the little quirks about it. And I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror and go, you're cute. I love you. So if you had to define enoughness in one sentence, what would it be? Enoughness is knowing that your value isn't determined by external validation. How about you? I am everything I need as I am right now in this moment, filled with nothing but love and compassion. I like that. So maybe we didn't have it all figured out at 25, but honestly, that version of us still deserves a high five for making it this far. The five year plan is a cute idea, it's also fictional, but you'll be okay. So whether you're 25 now or decades past it, just remember it's never too late to pivot, to start fresh, or to choose yourself. We'd love to hear from you. What advice would you give to your younger self? Don't forget to subscribe. Leave a review and share the chaos with your friends. Catch you next time. Bye guys. Bye.